Don’t let the world’s taboos take away your joy

People are always going to be quick to judge, but in the end, it is your life and you should make decisions that will make you happy

My girlfriend is 7 years older than me. Is it a big deal? Shouldn’t we marry? Aasif, New Delhi

It is only a big deal when you allow yourself to believe so. There are many people out there who are happily married to mismatched age differences. 7 years might just be enough to change the kind of music you both listen to and phases of life you experienced. But generally society and the way people are brought up do not change that drastically in 7 years. So chances are you will be more compatible than you think. People are always going to be quick to judge to make themselves feel better. But in the end, this is YOUR life and you should move about it and make decisions that will make you happy! Don’t let the world’s taboos and stereotypes keep you from doing what you will to do.

My wife is having an affair and she has left me. Can you help me identify the reason why she did this? I’m very depressed. Mr. D. Das, Kolkata

We marry because we are in love, and we fall in love with those who meet our most important requirement - emotional need. When the one we marry stops meeting those emotional need, we become vulnerable to others who are willing and able to meet them. If we let someone else meet our needs, we fall in love with that person, and an affair is off and running. Once an affair begins, it is like an addiction. The same emotional attachment that drew you and your spouse into marriage is now directed to someone else. So, time shall say the future. Don’t worry, all will happen for the best.

Whenever I do a mistake I don’t know how to say the perfect ‘sorry’. Need your help. Vickey, Gurgaon

Perfect ‘sorry’ seems like a really good question. Here’s my view and I sincerely hope this helps -

A. Be truly sorry that you have upset the other person.

B. Acknowledge the hurt done, and take responsibility for making amends.

C. Commit to not letting it happen again. Be careful.

D. Express appreciation for having the other person in your life. Be generous with compliments. E. Ask for forgiveness. F. Follow through with improved behavior.

My child is very afraid of the dark. I don’t know how to handle this. Mrs. Mehrotra

Fear is a normal part of life for all of us, including young chil- dren. It tends to start when you try something new, something that is an unknown. The fear of the dark tends to evolve around the time when children are old enough to have a sense of imagination. The best thing a parent can do for a child with a fear of the dark is to communicate, be respectful, and show that you understand. Be sensitive and don’t tell them their fear is silly. It’ll not help and they will be still scared, they will feel guilty and ashamed too. Install night lamps and assure of your availability even if you are sleeping in separate rooms. Monitor the TV and entertainment habits. Be warm and friendly. If it doesn’t help, visit a specialist. Best of luck!

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)

There are many people who are happily married to mismatched age differences. Don’t let stereotypes keep you from achieving joy