HENPECKED TO DEATH?
While a study suggests men could die early because of their nagging wives, the key is to know what she wants
ORIGIN OF ‘ HENPECKED’ W hen a mother hen recognises a particularly weak chick among her young, the hen pecks at the weak chick to prompt it to show signs of survival instincts. This pecking continues until the chick is either compliant or dead, whichever comes first
There’s this Akbar- Birbal story that shows how men falling prey to nagging wives is an age- old issue. A recent study by scientists in Denmark claim men who are subjected to nagging, constant demands and worries are twice as likely to die young as opposed to those who weren’t.
The hilarious tale has it that, after seeing a physically strong man meekly obey his wife’s orders, an irritated Akbar sets out to find if all men are facing a similar predicament. He assembles all the men in his kingdom and orders them, “All those who listen to your wives move to the right.” Everyone except one man moves. Akbar is visibly impressed with him and his ministers join in to lavish praise on the man. Birbal then proceeds to question the man on why he moved to the left. He responds, “My wife instructed me to stay away from crowds, that’s why I moved left.”
Jokes apart, the Denmark study states that men have a closer social network and depend on their partners a lot more than women do on them; and thus they find it harder to cope when faced with pressure and demands from their partners.
Popular actor Khushboo, who shares a very good equation with her husband Sundar C., says, “Nagging happens when suspicion begins to creep in. You must let a man be who he wants. For example, I never call my husband when he is at work. I give him his space. He is a family man when he isn’t working. So we have that understanding. It’s a give and take.”
However, Krishna R., an IT professional from Thiruvananthapuram, says men are partly responsible for women nagging them. “Men tend to force women into nagging by ignoring or not paying enough attention to them. I believe men derive a certain pleasure in denying a woman his attention. Especially one whose attention and love he has already won.”
There is a fair share of women who control their husbands like puppets on strings, but if men don’t mind complying with their wives it shouldn’t be a problem. But when a man sacrifices his own identity to be someone else to please and obey his wife then unhappiness and depression creep into a man’s life.
“Visual media has to take a huge share of the blame for the public's perception of marriage and love. Everything is perfect in the movies. There’s no compromise on screen. People expect everything to be Hunky- Dory in life. Life doesn’t work that way. If you’re being nagged by your wife/ girlfriend it just means you are doing the wrong things. You need to analyse your behaviour and pay her more attention,” says actor Vivan Bathena.
Birbal was probably exaggerating a bit in concluding after Akbar’s test, “Wives generally order their husbands around, Janahpanah. That’s marriage for you.”