‘ Be honest with your wife about your sexual identity’
I am a 29- year- old guy and happily married for the past six years. I have recently realised that I am bisexual. I love my wife a lot and still want to be with her. How do I tell her about this recent development? I want to be honest about my sexuality since I love her a lot. I think I should be honest to her. How do I convey this to her? Do I need to? Please help.
QAbisexual is someone who has romantic attraction or sexual attraction to more than one gender. The romantic feelings of a bisexual are not only to the opposite sex but to the same sex as well. Seen as one of the concepts of the heterosexual- homosexual continuum, bisexuality necessarily does not mean being equally attracted to both the sexes. There is a huge gap in understanding bisexuality, as there is no clarity between sexual attraction and behaviour and identity in this regard.
Having mixed orientation may not be viewed as a problem but it could be stifling to you when you do not have the freedom to experience intimacy with the other sex. For your spouse this could be seen as transgression of the boundaries of monogamy and can be treated severely. In realising your sexuality, have you been unfaithful to your wife? Telling your wife about your sexual identity after you have had sexual experiences with men may not be easy and you could risk your marriage not because of your identity but the fact that they are extra marital affairs and you are cheating on her.
You can be honest with your wife about your bisexuality as it can bring a huge relief for you to be authentic and live free with your identity. While you put yourself in a vulnerable situation, consider how your wife might react based on her views on sex and sexuality. Understand that being honest about your sexuality may be fraught with pain for all involved and you must be willing to take the risk to live truly with yourself. This query has been answered by
Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad
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