‘ Honest communication will help you move on from the affair’
I am a 34- year- old woman. My husband recently confessed that he cheated on me last year with his ex- girlfriend. I had eventually come to love this man and now I am shattered by this confession. I am not sure if I can trust him again. I don’t know who to share my problem with since I am too ashamed to share it with my family or friends. Please help.
QMarital infidelity or cheating can throw up a whole lot of issues in the marriage. It appears that after a lot of adjustments in marriage you have come to love your husband and now your trust is broken.
Surviving through infidelity leaves the partner devastated and unsure about their relationship. The implicit trust in your marriage is dented and can give rise to host of marital issues that you may have been compromising for the sake of harmony in the relationship.
It is normal to grieve the loss of a happy marriage in the discovery phase of cheating. Has your husband mentioned why he chose to confess about his affair? Was he guilty or regretful? Was it an accidental revelation? During this phase it is more about grieving the loss of your vision of a happy marriage and there will be myriad questions in your head about why the affair happened.
You are in the first stage of the crisis and it requires your husband to be supporting to help you relieve the agony of the betrayal. Such situations would need both the partners to be prudent and not blame each other what happened.
The next phase involves a realistic outlook at the history of your marriage and taking onus for what has happened. Forgiving him while holding a grudge will not help the relationship to move past the affair. It involves genuine remorse for the couple to move forward. Honest communication will help you to move on or else can create stumbling blocks in your recovery from the affair.
The insights can bring forth the final phase of recovery to fool- proofing your marriage by sharing a new vision to heal and stay together. However, if it doesn’t have any fruitful outcome, it can lead to resentment and bitterness that will erode the relationship. — This query has been answered by
Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad
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