Relational vulnerability
IN A WORLD WHERE LIFE HAS BEEN REDUCED TO A BREATHLESS RACE, LADIES, PAUSE AND TAKE TIME TO KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS
It is generally understood that women are biologically the softer, more vulnerable gender. And it is this factor that predatory men who are unscrupulous, feed and thrive upon. I recently came across a situation which I never thought I would ever encounter.
We are often told that in a man-woman thing, men’s outlook even in deep romance is coloured more by the physical as an expression of love while for a woman it is predominated the emotional quotient. I was recently faced with a dismaying situation where a man — who to all outer appearances was a decent, well-behaved, family person with an innocent and clean demeanour and seemed to have his sensibilities of right and wrong very much in place — turned out to be a dangerous pornographic fiend.
As it unravelled, I found out that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or maybe worse. He was someone who fed upon women in their forties with marital issues as his specific target to pose as a ‘counsellor’ and then lured them — when they imagined themselves ‘in love’ with him — into bed.
It is said that adolescents do go through a phase of chaotic testosterone overdrives and curiosity that often takes some of them to an undesirable fascination with erotica. But as they grow up, they usually settle down to bigger priorities and life becomes focussed on goals of a meaningful life. However, here was a man I knew, and met often enough as an acquaintance in a social service organisation I had become part of. Then one day the lady he was supposedly having an intense, monogamous relationship with, came to me utterly dismayed with the horror of betrayal and disillusionment. It was not just another woman — she discovered from a chance perusal of his cell phone — but a series of them, all with amorous texts of the kind he had been dishing out to her. Her horror was compounded by finding his cell crammed with amorous pictures of various women he knew and also pictures from some highly obscene sources. She was devastated. Indeed the man beneath his civilised guise was a sex fiend who fed on and pursued numerous welleducated alumni from his school and intelligent working women with base motives. When she came to me, helpless and in despair, I not only felt her pain but shared her shock as well. Of course, I advised her first and foremost to face up to the fact that this man had to be totally eradicated from her mind and heart. Next, in the greater interest of other women, he had to be reported to the police. It was not at all an easy situation, but with the help of a counsellor she delved into her willpower but it was an extremely painful process that left her to pick up and mend the broken pieces of her heart and determined to get the better of her emotions.
Such men are wily and over time develop a modus operandi to make the woman let down her guard by pretending to be deeply concerned, gaining her confidence, posing as ‘trustworthy’ helpmates.
We often don’t wish the truth to be true. This is not about the man alone but about women needing to be cautious of allowing emotions, needs and cravings to overcome their instincts and better sense. This is a wakeup call about how vulnerabilities are an open invite for unscrupulous men to feed on and take advantage of by posing as good Samaritans.
Ladies, stop being simple! It’s not necessarily a simple world out there.
We often don’t wish the truth to be true. Women need to be cautious of allowing emotions, needs and cravings to overcome their instincts and sense