‘It is essential to openly address any concerns’
QI am married for the past 10 years. I have a peculiar problem. My husband snoops around my phone. I am not sure if I am comfortable with it. I have nothing to hide, but I would really like some privacy. As a counter response, he asks me to check his phone. But I don’t like this idea of having to share everything. I am trying to play cool in front of him, but I think my reservations may create a problem. How do I gently make him see my point of view?
While it is natural to be curious about one’s partner, snooping on your phone seems to be a problem, either because the person is insecure, or there are deeper trust issues in the relationship. If the intention is to discover something so that he can control you, or question you, then it indicates that the person feels insecure, or has been badly bruised by mistrust earlier in other relationships, and is not able to let go the feelings of suspicion.
When there are trust issues in the relationship, often the husband feels entitled to check his wife’s personal accounts and phone. In abusive and toxic relationships, a person is looking repeatedly for confirmation that the relationship is fine. Evaluate your 10 years of relationship to understand if there has been any sort of emotional or physical abuse, or if you are in a controlling relationship
Whatever the reason may be, it is important for a couple to keep healthy boundaries between personal and marital space. It is better to communicate rather than investigate. It is essential to openly address any concerns raising suspicion rather than snooping into the others’ personal space and losing respect for each other. You can talk to each other or seek a counsellor to figure out what is missing in your relationship to help build trust and closeness.