‘Are you being helpful or exploited?’
QI’m a 26-year-old woman. A friend from college constantly keeps pestering me to meet him every day. He has in the past expressed his love, but I don’t have any feelings for him. I told him this and we stopped talking for a while.
Recently, I realised that he lost his mother, so I decided to talk to him again. But I realised me talking to him hasn’t helped matters. He constantly stalks my social media profiles and keeps a tab on my activities. I tired re-asserting that I do not appreciate this attitude but he refuses to see my point. He sends me messages about how depressed he is, and that I lift his mood up every time I meet him. I do not wish to give in to his demands. I am confused about how to deal with this. At
Ythe same time, I do not wish to be a bad friend. Pease help. ou seem to be confused between supporting your friend and defending your privacy. You need to recognise your own attitude. If you are a person who likes to put others needs ahead of yours, it can be disastrous. You might end up getting manipulated and misused by others in the process. In such a scenario your friend will become opportunistic because you are letting him be one. Check your need to be helpful to the point of exploitation.
Being a good friend is fine but getting emotionally trapped because of his depressed condition is not acceptable. Understand that even best friends will need boundaries.
Be clear how you can support him as a friend. Let him know that you are not his therapist who can help him through bereavement.
By worrying, or allowing him to guilt trip you, you are enabling him to become dependent on you. He might not be willing but express your inability to help him further and gently direct him to a mental health professional to handle the loss of his mother and depression.