‘You need to be mature and look at the big picture’
QI love a girl, who is a friend of mine. I proposed her two years ago, but she said it’s not the right time for her to get into anything, so I kept quiet. Only recently, I proposed once again, but she rejected saying that she trusts me completely, but has no strong feelings for me. I tried to convince her, she did not accept it. Her reasons for rejection are based on caste differences. She made me promise that I should forget her. I am trying to forget her but am unable to do so. I feel dejected in life and feel like committing suicide as I am missing her a lot Please guide me in this situation whether to convince her or to move on. Also tell me if this is infatuation or true love?
Love is an emotion that has been idealised and exaggerated in different cultures, literature and media that it is somewhat difficult to tell the difference between love and infatuation. Love requires intimacy, commitment, security and willingness to think of others needs and settle their differences. Infatuation is a short-lived physical desire or lust associated with a selfish need that is short-lived.
If your friend is not ready for love, it could mean she is not able to trust or feel secure. She could be considering approval of parents and relatives important for marriage. If you are feeling dejected, it means you are having difficulty in facing the reality. Check what your difficulty is in accepting the reality. Do you think you lack the strength to redirect your emotions in a more suitable direction? You need to be mature and willing to look at the big picture and be open to face the unpleasant emotions to move on in life.
Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad 040-6666 1117/18 Write to us at: feedback.age@gmail.com with “expert advice” in the subject line