‘It’s common to compare the new love in your life with your ex’
Q
There is this guy I really like. He is a great person and makes me laugh a lot. But I can’t seem to get over the fact that there are not one byt several similarities between him and my ex partner. From similarities in their decision-making abilities to behavioral characteristics, they are way too similar. And while I have completely moved on from my ex, these similarities just make me a little uncomfortable. What can I do about this?
It is common to compare the new love in your life to your ex because your brain automatically groups similar stimuli together — it is the brain’s way of understanding new material or things quickly and easily by drawing parallels, so that you are prepared for what can follow next. But it can also inhibit you from exploring further in a relationship.
There are possibilities that you could be having desirability or a natural tendency to be with a certain type of people — with their decision-making abilities and witty character. While it is natural to not want any memories of your ex and see a completely different person who is mostly the opposite of him it may not be possible in all respects.
The one thing to remember is that you were unhappy with your ex and you broke up with him for a reason. If you had learnt from the mistakes made in the past relationship you would try and see that such situations do not come up in the present relationship. When you compare your past with the present you would end up belittling yourself and refusing to see the guy whom you like in his full potential. Be willing to see the uniqueness and distinctiveness of the guy you love without any comparisons.