‘Focus on the quality of relationship and compatibility levels’
Expert advice
QI have just started dating my classmate from college. It’s been quite good so far; we’re the toast of the class and the ideal couple. But a few days in and we’ve ended up having annoying fights over the smallest of issues and misunderstandings. While mostly we get along well, as teething troubles crop up, I feel we’re probably better off without each other. There seems to be no headway in our fights, and despite us trying to solve issues, they only end up getting worse. I don’t want to look at a break-up as a solution. What do we do?
It is quite common for young people to think of being in a perfect relationship and being the ideal couple. Understand that such myths can have a negative impact on the relation, when you set high and impossible standards for each other. No relationship is perfect, and by accepting the imperfections in each other, you tend to escape the trap of perfectionism.
Most romantically involved couples dream of the ideal and wonderful world of everlasting love, but in reality, such expectations can lead to disappointment. Check with yourself and your partner what you are willing to tolerate in each other, instead of pushing the other person to change. There’s a tendency to focus on the one weakness of the partner that makes them fall short of being ideal. These would lead to nasty fights over petty issues that you feel that you rather be alone.
Note your patterns of fights, your coping style and the issues that form the core of your fights. Instead of worrying about what is not working in the relationship, start focusing on its quality and your levels of compatibility. You two could try being grateful for what you have and than making a big deal about the weaknesses.