‘ Have you shared your emotional self to your partner?’

expert advice

QI am engaged to be married in the next one year, but I suddenly feel distant from my partner. Before the engagement, we were together for three years and very sure of taking the relationship to the next step. Even our parents support us. I love her very much and want to spend my life with her. I just don’t understand how to overcome this distance issue. Please help.

Feeling emotionally distant or disengaged in a relationship can develop in one of the partners for several reasons. Do you feel you are not ready for commitment and responsibility? What emotions are you going though? Do you feel sad and lonely? Have you experienced any feeling of disconnect with your own self ?

Be honest with yourself in understanding your dynamics when you got engaged. Identify your couple system with an experienced marital counsellor to know if there have been any patterns in your relationship such as the pursuer and distance paradigm or a child parent system.

Often people who are insecure and feel threatened in an emotionally close relationship tend to need more privacy and autonomy as a way of coping, to avoid any pain that can be real or imagined. Despite finding love and wanting to spend your entire life with her, have you shared your emotional self to your partner?

Working with your inner self at this stage is important. You might consider talking to a counsellor to check for symptoms of depression. Being self aware and learning to connect with your inner self will help to form an attachment over a period of time with your partner. It is important to feel that the relationship is a safe place, to express your needs and longings without hesitation to your partner.

— This query has been answered

by Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad 040- 6666 1117/ 18. Write to us at: feedback. age@ gmail. com with

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