‘ The real problem here is the communication gap’

Over the past few months I have come to realize that my daughter’s “best friend”, who often stays with us when she does, is in fact her partner. I was thrown by this and haven’t yet been able to say anything to my daughter about it, though I realize that I have to accept what she does with her life. The problem is whether I ought to tell my husband. He is fond of all our children and proud of them — we have four — but is very traditional in many ways.

QIt appears that the real problem here is the communication gap in the family. You can come to a conclusion about your daughter’s choices in life only when you openly talk to her and not by assuming. When you have realised by yourself that her best friend is her partner , you might want to address your concern with her directly and encourage her to talk to the family instead of keeping things from them. It becomes a double whammy for the family to accept her choice as well as the fact that they were deceived by her friend and her.

Likewise when your husband sees children as his pride there will be unfair expectations on them to keep up that feeling for him. They tend to become secretive about their own wishes and dreams. With a trophy child mentality he might not be accepting of the children’s personal lives but rather see them as an extension of himself. He would be only focused on what they do and not who they are.

You can check with your daughter before you come to any conclusion. If she confirms that she chosen her partner you can make it easier by respecting her decision despite your own feelings and opinions. You might want to prepare your husband as well so that he will avoid awkwardness for your daughter and accept her for who she is rather than see her preference as a disease or an offence. Since sexual preference and orientation to same sex or opposite sex is a personal choice as parents you might want to see you are child as yours and accept her. Good luck!

— This query has been answered by Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad 040- 6666 1117/ 18 Write to us at feedback. age@ gmail. com with “expert advice” in the subject line