Forging new bonds
MARRYING THE MAN OR WOMAN ONE LOVES IS A DREAM COME TRUE BUT ADAPTING TO AND BONDING WITH IN- LAWS IS OFTEN A TRICKY RELATIONSHIP LANDSCAPE TO NAVIGATE
For a girl entering a new family after marriage, forging new bonds and embracing new family relationships is a tricky journey and sensitive waters to wander into.
In the world of role stereotypes, in the life of a new bride, the mother- in- law is always from hell while the father- in- law is always portrayed as kind. But I have often seen autocratic fathersinlaw. Traditionally in our society sons and sons- in- law have been majorly more appreciated than daughtersinlaws in general. They are pampered and welcomed into the fold and treated with love and respect.
I’ve personally experienced how daughters- inlaw are met with a highhanded, supercilious approach.
More often than not, they are an unappreciated lot even though times are now changing for the better.
Yet, there are happy exceptions. And what I saw last evening had me completely floored. I was visiting a furniture store for a routine branding discussion when I met the owner, Vijay, a proud fatherinlaw. He had not only funded but conceptualised, supported and helped his daughterinlaw, an interior designer, build a 20,000 sq ft furniture store without any stake or personal agenda. He is a man of vision, full of concern and care for someone beyond his biological connection. Many women in our country would have had easier lives if they had a father- i n - l aw like Vijay and I hope all fat h e r s - i n - law reading about this progressive man feel inspired to adopt such an approach. In traditional families — especially in two and three tier cities — when a girl leaves her parents’ home or her college dorm, she is thrust into a joint family or at best, a closeknit family with an autocratic father- in- law who calls the shots. Especially when the husband and father- in- law are part of the same business and the son is accountable to his father. It would then be advisable for the father- in- law to be a friendly guide, a person who leads and guides his son and daughter- in- law in a gentle and loving manner.
Sadly, I have often encountered autocratic and indifferent fathers- in- law. It is seldom that one chances upon a nurturing father- in- law. On the part of a new bride, even she could engender a rapport by discussing issues of common interest, conversing with and addressing him as she would a fond uncle, with a warm bonhomie. However, like every other relationship in the world, it is not possible to develop a father- daughter relationship overnight, and a new bride must also strive to create a happy equation with her in- laws. It always takes two to make a relationship work and blossom.
It always takes two to make a relationship work and blossom