WHEN TO SAY NO?

Were you brought up with strong religious or spiritual values that ingrained the belief that you need to be kind to everyone? Or may be, like me, you spent 13 years studying in a school whose motto is “service before self.” May be you are a religious person and believe that the way to show your love for god is by helping or pleasing others.

During my tarot reading sessions and workshops, I meet a lot of kind and generous people who feel unhappy or unfulfilled. The reason is that they are not prioritising themselves but are bending backwards to please others including their parents, spouses, friends and bosses.

When I advise them to put themselves first in their lives they argue that we’re supposed to be nice to everyone. I agree, be nice to everyone, but you are part of everyone too! You’re entitled to be kind to yourself too. It’s like the announcement on the plane, “Before you assist others, always put your oxygen mask on first.”

Another set of people I meet are those who find it hard to say, ‘ no’. You must have heard the proverb, “Every ‘ yes’ is connected to a ‘ no’.” When you say ‘ yes’ to going early to work for helping your colleague with his presentation, you are saying ‘ no’ to helping your kids get up and be ready for the day. So what do you do? Start by understanding your real ‘ yes’. What matters most to you?

In fact, the proverb “Every ‘ yes’ is connected to a ‘ no’,” works backwards too. When you say no to staying back at work, you are saying ‘ yes’ to going on a date with your wife, which helps her feel loved and valued. Find harmony in life so that you can be nice to others and at the same time be nice to yourself and your priorities ( or your loved ones) too.

On second thoughts when I think of my school’s motto, “service before self ” implies that both service and self are important, and that there needs to be a balance and priority between the two. So, my dear readers, I wish that you continue to be kind and help others, but find the exquisite balance for giving and for getting your needs met too.

“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself” — — JOCELYN JOCELYN MURRAY MURRAY