BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR SEXUALITY

A young man consulted me to find out whether he had contracted some sexually- transmitted infection. He had had unprotected sex with a call girl recently. “What can a man do when the wife is cold and frigid?” he said to justify his behaviour.

‘ Frigid’ is often misinterpreted to suggest a cold and unloving nature. It is a term that was used to describe sexual unresponsiveness until the path- breaking studies by pioneers in the field of sexuality Masters and Johnsons and Helen Kaplan. They categorised the physiological events that take place in the woman’s body during the sexual act. The advantage in this categorisation is that today we can zero in on the exact phase of the response cycle where the woman has the problem.

As per these stages the sexual problems in a woman are labelled as Sexual desire disorders, Arousal/ Excitement disorders, Orgasm disorders, Sexual Pain disorders.

What then could be the reasons for frigidity? ‘ Frigidity’ is a relative term, when one’s own desire is used as a yardstick for judging the other partner’s desire. The reasons for these disorders could be manifold and differ from one individual to the other. Some may be categorised as physical or psychological or socio- cultural.

OVERCOMING THE PROBLEM

Tips to men:

Do not stigmatise your spouse. Understand and nurture her. To women:

Don’t feel victimised

Learn to be comfortable with your sexuality

Express your needs and feelings. To both:

Seek professional help to overcome your problems.