Let’s talk about sex
In conversation with the founder of RedWomb, Pallavi Barnwal
Nobody has ever taught us egalitarian sexual values around paired intimate relationship — the talk of consent, safety and pleasure. Nobody has ever brought us up to behave well in bed, but they should. By eradicating sexual shame, we are fundamentally empowering women and girls
Her Bio is varied yet impressive. She identifies herself as a TEDx speaker, intimacy coach and the founder of her website. Pallavi Barnwal, has raised the bar with her website that focusses on all things sex as she unhibitedly gets down to the brass tasks and offers a cohesive platform on sex to the Indian reader.
Excerpts from the interview:
QYour mission statement states, “The natural act of sex is over-hyped in our culture, in our society, in our religion and here we learn to be fearful and resentful of sex, thus making most of us inhibited towards the social acceptance of sex.”
It does. Nobody has ever taught us egalitarian sexual values around paired intimate relationship — the talk of consent, safety and pleasure. Nobody has ever brought us up to behave well in bed, but they should. By eradicating sexual shame, we are fundamentally empowering women and girls. This also helps accusers to understand and respect sexual boundaries and give couples room to clear out their doubts and bridge mismatches around sexual libido.
QWhat prompted you to start RedWomb?
The unfortunate truth is that we never learn how to build healthy relationships and that leads to a lot of problems. We find ourselves in relationships with communication issues, conflict and a lack of passion. RedWomb is an educational platform that helps people bring joy into their intimate relationship through accurate information and psychologically aided tools.
QWhat is the status of your sex education programme for adolescents at the school level?
RedWomb has independently launched sensitisation, awareness drives among parents to equip them with knowledge and communication skills to become primary sex educators for their children. We have also published an FAQ compendium on commonly misunderstood aspects of sexuality.
QYou have managed to get women to boldly express themselves on various sexual topics, be it about just enjoying sex and BDSM to dealing with body issues. How challenging was it to convince these women to speak up?
People find it bizarrely difficult to talk about sex with people they are having it because you don’t want to jeopardise the relationship. A lot of what I shared resonated with these women; the stories were alike. Women seem to get the underlying message that sex and sexuality lie at the heart of everything we are and do.
QYou held the country’s first event on raising female sexual awareness pleasure, and it had an interesting line up of activities such as orgasm gap and cuddle party. Can you share your experience?
We joined hands with a leading contraceptive company to do this event titled #righttopleasure. We had an interesting line up of activities such as orgasm masterclass, cuddle party, pleasure positive comedy gig and erotic art exhibition. Our panel discussions celebrated sexuality in its most authentic, natural form, sharing their personal stories of confusion on vaginismus, penis performance and sexually awkward adolescence while growing up in a Brahmanical family in Banaras. Our cuddle party was a social event designed to allow people to experience nonsexual human connection through cuddling.
QYou also held a workshop on orgasmic intimacy. How did that go, and what kind of reactions/response did you get?
We had an emotional catharsis session in which we encouraged and assisted people to do vulnerable sharing to awaken their inner orgasmicness. Often, this is the only nonjudgmental, safe container where these people could confront their darkest sides. Not only this, we also had a blindfolded contact improvisation dance meditation. Participants were amazed to discover the non-porn side of sensuality, which is based on inner exploration, unlearning and non-sexual touch.