Coveting matrimony

Many women claim to be happily single today. Is society finally opening up to them?

What about women who seek matrimony but can’t find them? How are the present times for them? While single women in large families may seem to live under an impractical sense of pressure to covertly defend their position from a certain degree of pity from those around them, large families might even help them better combat a possible sense of loneliness in their lives.

Some single women in nuclear families might seem to be at better place especially if their parents are supportive and sympathetic. However, the situation couldn’t help if parents in nuclear families get frustrated and deride the woman, as do relatives in an extended family, for remaining unmarried. I know of at least two women from ‘enlightened’ and ‘broadminded’ families who’d tried to end it all under this pressure.

Sadly, even today, a single man escapes this ‘stigma’ while a single woman is still viewed as if she was flawed or missed the bus if she didn’t ‘get hitched’. More so in smaller towns! Truth’s also that women who seek matrimony and don’t find it often wonder if their life would’ve been less lonesome in marriage. Some women may defend that marriage doesn’t need to be an answer, and they’d be right, for too many marriages end up with both partners growing into lonely strangers sharing one house. Like detached roommates. So then I wonder if it’s better to be in a lifeless relationship or be a liberated single. Perhaps it’s time to accept singledom as a progressive choice.

Then again, if a woman seeks marriage, at least in urban scenarios, she has wider choices. A loquacious lady is presented with many opportunities — be it in her college or workplace, at airports or in coffee shops and art exhibitions—to strike a friendship with another and take it ahead. The ‘first move’ is not necessarily a male prerogative anymore. Someone I know saw a man at the dentist’s waiting room. Today, they are happy parents of two boys. Many more women are rewarded with joyful outcomes from connecting with another on increasing number of digital dating sites and social media platforms. Yet, there are chances of one getting disillusioned upon not finding a partner; then, there is that thing about being overly cautious to avoid hazards of being online in one’s quest for matrimony.

All said and done (at least as I see it), if marriage is what a woman seeks, she may as well make a profitable project of it. Explore all means, for as they say “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Sadly, even today, a single man escapes this ‘stigma’ while a single woman is still viewed as if she was flawed if she didn’t ‘get hitched’

AGE MATTERS AND DO MANNERS

Marriage is still a greater probability within a certain age. However, today’s society is more open to marriages at any age, and with the digital facilities and more modern mind-sets, even seniors are laughing all the way to the aisle. I know of a woman who blatantly told anyone half willing to hear if they knew someone suitable for her. Of course, she drew giggles and sniggers behind her back, but she seemed to have the last laugh, for she did find a groom thus.

Different strokes for different folk, you’d say? Clarity of intent helps, I’d say. If marriage is what you want, go for it the best way you know. After all, all’s well that ends well, right?

I read about how everything we experience and everything that comes our way takes us towards our spiritual evolution. Those unmarried despite seeking matrimony, have a different path of evolution.

I strongly believe that in addition to lessons from books and their academics, children today have to be taught emotional skills such as putting forth a conciliatory handshake rather than letting a relationship go battleprone. Kids today, more than ever before, need to learn the skills of preserving and nurturing friendships as a part of their basic life-survival skills. They need to be taught to cultivate empathy and a ‘you-before-me’ demeanour and respect for elders and value systems.

To create and keep a happy marriage, one has to have the temperament for marriage. Negotiations, ego-balloons, selfish demands, burdensome ultimatums, etc. make for shortlived and unrewarding relationships. The unravelling of bonds is very easy when the partners don’t have the ability to empathise with the other’s point of view. What’s worse, nowadays, these enriching factors are usually dismissed as non-priorities. Even a ‘good morning’, a smile, a considerate gesture and thoughtful actions create lifelong bonds. But one has to make the effort towards that constructive start. Set about with an upbeat beginning and then allow life to bring what it does. If not now, your constructive attitude will definitely bring you your chosen haven soon.