Move on with dignity
If you are going through a break up, here are seven tips to help you heal faster
Has your relationship just ended? Either you have been dumped by your partner or you have decided to let go and move on. Either ways, this is a painful experience. Especially if you have invested emotionally in the relationship. There is always one person who loves more deeply and is willing to neglect his/ her needs in order to focus on their partner’s demands. It is often this individual who is most likely to get hurt deeply. That’s when the relationship disintegrates into a toxic black hole.
If you find yourself in this situation, move out fast. This may sound harsh and you may feel like I am asking you to jump out of a running train. But, in reality, the drama and pain you undergo in a toxic relationship is no different than finding yourself trapped in a wrong train journey, clinging to false hope ( that the person will improve dramatically) and at the same time, desperately wanting to jump out.
Do you feel this way? There is no need to panic as it is the most natural reaction in your situation.
Here’s some advice; these are tried and tested methods based on my conversations with various people. However, there is no one formula that fits all. Choose the path that works for you best.
1 ESTABLISH THE NO- CONTACT RULE
You need to clinically cut the chord with your ex, no matter how painful it is. And, yes the pain will be intense and severe. Allow yourself to feel the pain; do not run away from it.
Getting back to no contact, the best way to do it is to block all contact on every social networking site. Be it Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Whats app and even SMS. Block all his/ her numbers. This is a very crucial process and while there are many options from 30, 45 or 60 days of no- contact; there is no hard and fast rule. Do not re- establish contact, till you are mentally and emotionally ready. Otherwise you will plunge deeper into dark hole.
2 BE PREPARED FOR OVERWHELMING PAIN
Cutting off all contact causes immense physical pain. Your partner was the drug that you were addicted to you and now you have to learn to fill your days without seeing him, chatting with him or even visualising your life without him. There is an emptiness and the heartache is so intense, that you will find yourself tempted to reconnect. Fight that feeling because it will lead you no where.
3 FILL YOUR DAYS WITH MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY
There is no better way to discipline your
fractured mind, than opting for a good workout. It could be a run or a swim or cycling or cardio workouts. You can even opt for yoga as these asanas really calm the mind and give you peace. Choose the activity that interests you. Spend at least 40 minutes everyday in exercising.
If you are working then that is the best way to keep your mind occupied as there will be enough distractions for you to focus on. But instead of becoming a workaholic; use the time to indulge in meaningful activity.
Above: Actor Nawazuddin and wife are fighting a bitter divorce battle
Read books that will enhance your thinking. Listen to meditation tapes as this will help you calm your mind. Watch your favourite shows online. You can even try painting or colouring as there are plenty of adult colouring books. This helps soothe your mind.
4 WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS
There are various emotions you will undergo at this stage. You will oscillate between anger and sadness. Somedays you will be filled with desperation to contact your ex. Other days you find yourself indulging in self pity. There maybe many things left unsaid. Maintain a daily diary and write down your feelings. Just expressing yourself will offer you the much needed physical release. Overtime, you will find yourself in a more placid mind frame.
5 CRY YOUR HEART
It is absolutely fine to shed tears. It helps release the pent up pain and toxic energy. Initially you will find yourself grieving more and with time, the tears will dry up and that is when you will know that the healing has begun. If you are still in a dark space, consult a therapist. Nothing better than pouring your heart out to a qualified professional who is trained to handle your emotions and guide you effectively.
6 PRACTICE FORGIVENESS
Start with yourself first. As you may feel a deep sense of anger for having chosen the wrong partner and letting yourself down. Tell yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. That you love yourself and will treat your heart with kindness. Learn to forgive your toxic ex. This is not at all easy and it takes time, practice and a certain level of emotional evolvement. But remember by forgiving him/ her you are freeing yourself from deep pain.
7 TIME IS THE BEST HEALER
As cliched as this may sound; it is true. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Give yourself time to heal. It is a slow process but if you follow the above- mentioned tips, you will emerge from the dark zone. There will come a time when the past will no longer matter to you. And you will feel at peace with yourself. Just be patient and go with the flow.