7 ways to happiness
Happiness is not a myth. It is a journey that depends on self-awareness
As we embarked on 2021, our expectations of restoration of normalcy have started to increase. Those high expectations, however, could be met by disappointment as a normal life free of coronavirus still looks far-fetched despite the emergency approval of the vaccine. As patience levels begin to drop, with anxiety and dissatisfaction on the rise, the need for learning to be happy is higher now than ever before.
By speaking to a few life coaches in and around the city, we have put together a list of mantras that can lead you into inculcating happiness in your life.
DO NOT COMPARE
According to SRK Raju, psychologist and a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) master practitioner from the American Board of NLP, attaching a lot of hope and value to things before attaining them is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness. “We begin to think that we’ll be happy only when we get certain things. But when we do get these things, we start to compare our possessions with that of our neighbours or friends, or we simply start having bigger dreams, leading us to become dissatisfied with what we have, and so on the loop continues,” he explains.
FIND YOUR PURPOSE
Establishing a purpose in life is very important. “We have many goals, but we fail to establish a legitimate purpose behind those goals,” SRK Raju explains. “We want to achieve this and that, thinking we’ll attain happiness when we achieve those things. But happiness will not be achieved even on the procurement of those things, which is why we must analyse our purpose and see if we’ll really achieve happiness with our goals. More often than not, our ultimate goal is happiness but the means we choose to achieve it don’t work.”
KEEP EXPECTATIONS LOW
Abdul Mannan, a motivational speaker from Hyderabad, also shares what he considers the ultimate formula for happiness. “Low expectations and high outcomes,” he says. “Happiness is found within. Therefore, whatever the external circumstances are, we should make the most of the available resources to remain happy. The mantra for happiness is to see the positive in any situation. Happiness depends on individual perception, how they view any situation along with their respective expectations. During COVID, while many people lost jobs, many others entered new lines of business and became billionaires. The point is: if something is viewed as a problem, it will remain a problem, but if it’s viewed as an opportunity, there will be a solution for you. Difficult times always present us with an opportunity for growth: emotional or otherwise.”
DON’T ATTACH HAPPINESS TO THINGS
Reiterating SRK Raju’s thoughts, Abdul Mannan further comments on how the common practice of attaching happiness to external stimuli can get toxic. Then reminding us that happiness is a journey, not the destination, he explains, “If happiness is attached to a person, material possessions or a goal, then the person will remain unhappy forever as their happiness will keep fluctuating by the actions of others.”
DON’T CONTROL EMOTIONS; MANAGE THEM
MVN Kasyap, a life coach at a Hyderabad-based company I AM, explains the importance of dealing with emotions. “Ironically, everyone wants to spend loads of money on the growth of their kids’ IQ but lack the awareness that the kids need to learn to deal with emotions so that they can lead a healthy and happy life. People don’t realize that kids need to learn NLP or similar practices to learn to manage their emotions. The worst advice out there is ‘control your emotions’. We shouldn’t fight our emotions. We should let them surface without letting them control us and our actions. We shouldn’t control our emotions; instead, we should learn to manage them,” he says.
DEVELOP EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Further addressing the common misconceptions about the concept of emotional management, MVN Kasyap states that experts claim about fourteen patterns in our brain are responsible for our behaviour. “These patterns dictate how we respond to each situation. We must identify these patterns and change them to manage our emotions,” he says. “Most people are advised to control extreme emotions by counting 1 to 10 or by deep breathing, but these are not efficient exercises. Everyone knows they aren’t supposed to get angry. And it’s not very practical to suggest a person calms down when he/she is angry. Rather, we should change the brain patterns in a way that the person doesn’t get angry in the first
“The worst advice out there is ‘control your emotions’. We shouldn’t fight our emotions. We should let them surface without letting them control us and our actions. We shouldn’t control our emotions; instead, we should learn to manage them,” — MVN KASYAP, life coach
place. Same goes with all other negative feelings such as sadness, panic and anxiety. Therefore, people should be trained to be mentally prepared to face any situation that comes their way in life, by developing emotional intelligence. This process, although time-consuming, will
“If happiness is attached to a person, material possessions or a goal, then the person will remain unhappy forever as their happiness will keep fluctuating by the actions of others.” — ABDUL MANNAN, motivational speaker
“We must be thankful for what we have. Recollecting and remembering the good times past is a very helpful practice.” — SRK RAJU, psychologist and a NLP master
bear excellent results and prepare anyone to deal with emotions for life.”
REMINISCE GOOD TIMES
Psychologist and NLP practitioner SRK Raju further elucidates how being thankful for what we have can help us keep negative emotions at bay. “We must be thankful for what we have. Recollecting and remembering the good times past is a very helpful practice. Remember that one cannot simply jump to happiness from a state of sadness. So when you find yourselves becoming sad, take some time and monitor your thoughts. Let them run wild for a while until they begin to slow down. Then, aim to get into a neutral state — the stage from where the upward journey towards happiness can start,” he says in conclusion.