Female bashing is a reality
Though we boast of living in an era where there’s gender equality, deep-rooted misogyny is still a stark reality. The sexist behaviour shows across various platforms and scenarios. The latest being the tasteless memes/jokes on Melinda after she announced
THE ASIAN AGE
After the high-profile divorce of Bill and Melinda Gates came to light, it was revealed that Bill Gates would spend a long weekend every year at a cosy beach cottage in North Carolina — with his old girlfriend, even after his marriage to Melinda.
Bill Gates biographer James Wallace exposed Bill in one of his books. He wrote: “His (Bill’s) womanizing was well known, although not well reported, because Gates and Microsoft spoon-fed stories to industry writers for such papers as The New York Times, and none of them wanted the flow of information to stop .... ”
In her memoir, Melinda revealed that she’d felt “very alone” in her marriage after the couple’s first child Jennifer was born in 1996. “Bill was CEO of Microsoft. He was beyond busy; everyone wanted him,” said Melinda. “I thought...maybe he wanted to have kids in theory, but not in reality.” However, despite the actual reasons for their divorce, as revealed, what seems to have caught netizens’ interest is how much money Melinda will ‘make’ in the divorce. The Internet is flooded with misogynistic comments like, “How much is the woman getting?” “I hope they signed a prenup.” “Well, now we know who the next richest woman in the world is.”
While some might argue that the comments are all fun and to be merely laughed off at, the direct and undercurrent notes of misogyny reflected in such jokes are rather concerning.
WHAT IS MISOGYNY?
According to Kavita Paniyam, counselling psychologist and founder director of Mind Suggest Wellness Centre, Hyderabad, misogyny is a vengeance towards women that both a male or a female may have. “Misogyny can take the form of social exclusion of women from a group, patriarchy, sexual objectification of females, having disregard for her feelings, male privilege...,” elaborates the psychologist, who has had hands-on counselling experience with countless women who’ve been the victim of extreme forms of misogyny.
In an era that boasts of gender equality, deep-rooted misogyny is still a stark reality, as it’s common, especially going by what some women shared with us of the misogynistic experiences they had to deal with in their lives. Alarmingly, the sexist behaviour shows across various platforms and scenarios.
THE MISOGYNY ONLINE
Abhimanika Yadav, fitness coach and Mrs Universe 2017, opens up about the bigotry she has had to face on social media.
“I’m a fitness coach and I’ve worked hard to reach where I am today. But even today, when I go ‘Live’ on Instagram or post pictures of my workout, where I am dressed in shorts or my workout clothes, some men have shamelessly asked me to remove the remaining clothes that I’m wearing, too.
They then start assassinating my character solely based on my outfits,” she recollects.
The fitness coach laments that she has even seen a few of these very men applauding shirtless pictures of male fitness experts. “It seems male fitness experts can even show off their bare butts and would still garner praises from these men, whereas a woman posting photos in workout wear is immediately sexualised, labelled and cat-called,” she states.
Misogyny can have serious repercussions on a woman’s mental health. After being a victim to long-term misogyny, some women tend to lose their self-worth, self-esteem and selfconfidence.
A LEGAL SYSTEM THAT FAILS WOMEN
Once, a guy said something demeaning to Abhimanika in the comment section of one of her posts. Not the one to give up without a fight, the fitness coach took her concerns to the ‘She Team’. Readers might recollect that the State Government had launched She Teams on 24 October 2014 in Hyderabad as part of its vision to provide safe and secure environments for women.
Misogyny is a vengeance towards women that both a male or a female may have. It can take the form of social exclusion of women from a group, patriarchy, sexual objectification of females, having disregard for her feelings, male privilege...
— Kavita Paniyam, counselling psychologist and founder-director of Mind Suggest Wellness Centre
Misogyny is everywhere and is evident all the time. Even in these times, of the pandemic, the jokes are on how the husband prefers hospital quarantine over staying at home with his wife, about men lamenting over doing the dishes or washing clothes, etc. Even so-called progressive people participate in this poor humour and consider it normal
— Amika Shail, actress
“I filed a complaint with the She Team and even got a report registered against him,” remembers Abhimanika. “But later, upon tracking my complaint, I realised that it had been closed without any action being taken against the offender.”
VICTIM SHAMING
A make-up artist Shrutika Yadav speaks to us about why she got a divorce in her marriage. “My husband had multiple affairs and he justified them saying that he was compelled to cheat on me because I was not fit or pretty like other women. The irony is that ours was a love marriage,” points out Shrutika, adding, “When I got pregnant, he did not want the child and threatened me with divorce when I insisted on having the baby.”
Matters got worse when some of the ‘aunties’ in the neighbourhood tried to ‘intervene’ in the matter, but by making it seem like she was to be blamed in all of this. “Although the tales of my husband’s affairs were well known, a few women tried to dig dirt on me by asking me questions like why I hadn’t had a child in so many years of our married life, calling me infertile etc.,” Shrutika adds.
NOT FUNNY, MAN
Mirzapur-starrer Amika Shail makes a valid point when she illustrates how even most jokes these days are chauvinistic. “Misogyny is everywhere and is evident all the time. The country is fighting with a pandemic, but even in these times, the ‘jokes’ are on how the husband prefers hospital quarantine over staying at home with his wife, about men lamenting over doing the dishes or washing clothes, etc. Even socalled progressive people participate in this poor humour and consider it normal,” she states.
Sadly, points out the actress, women are rumoured to have slept their way to their achievements regardless of their professional struggle, no matter if they become the union minister of textiles in the country or secure a blockbuster film.
“It’s also common to hear rumours about a woman’s sexual relationship with anybody at her workplace. These things are more evident in our industry as the working relationships are not long-term and change with every project,” states Amika, adding that earlier she used to feel helpless and stayed sad for days.
Eventually, she decided to deal with such rumours and comments head on. “I’d mock misogynist comments and started calling out bigots publically, shaming them for their sexist comments,” she says. “And while calling out such people may or may not change their ideology it surely made me feel empowered to know I could make my voice and opinion heard when I called out the wrong-doers.”
WHEN MISOGYNY DESTROYS CONFIDENCE
Misogyny can have serious repercussions on women’s mental health. “After being a victim to long-term misogyny, some women tend to lose their self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence,” says Kavita Paniyam. “I’ve had women clients who’re CEOs of huge companies, but every time they go home and share their big achievements with their husbands, the response is usually so bad it changes their mood and sometimes affects their workplace performance negatively.”
I’m a fitness coach and when I go ‘Live’ on Instagram or post pictures of my workout, where I am dressed in shorts or my workout clothes, some men have shamelessly asked me to remove the remaining clothes that I’m wearing, too. They then start assassinating my character solely based on my outfits
— Abhimanika Yadav, fitness coach and Mrs Universe 2017