PARENTS SCAR THEIR CHILD FOR LIFE
THE IMMENSE PSYCHOLOGICAL HARM THAT EMOTIONAL AND VERBAL ABUSE CAN INFLICT ON A CHILD IS INCREASINGLY COMING UNDER FOCUS, AND PARENTS MUST RECONSIDER THEIR CHILD-REARING METHODS
“Research shows that yelling at or scolding children makes them more aggressive physically and verbally. Children feel confused when a person who is responsible for their protection makes them feel unsafe. The physical and emotional violence we inflict on our children is reflected in the kind of people they grow up to be.”
— DR SAMHITA SHARMA
MD in Neuro Psychiatry
“Every time there is a conflict between what you think is right for your children and what your children want to do, have a discussion and listen to their point of view and vision. Letting your child learn the hard way is not bad. As a parent, your job is to show them the possible consequences of various scenarios while remaining open to the possibility of being wrong yourself.” — DR RAVIKANTH TANGELLA,
Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
REMEMBER THERE IS NO PERFECT CHILD OR A PERFECT PARENT. THE BEST PARENT IS ONE WHO CONSTANTLY TRIES HIS/HER BEST TO LOVE AND SUPPORT THEIR CHILD
Recently, the spotlight was turned on the repercussions of bad parenting when movie director Quentin Tarantino announced that he would never give money to his mother Connie McHugh because she had shouted at him for writing screenplays during class hours, and mocked him for dreaming of a movie-making career while in school. He was speaking on a The Moment podcast.
Now, parents across the world are wondering what they should and shouldn’t do to discipline children, as evidently, traditional methods of parenting have a negative impact on young minds. Dr Samhita Sharma MD in Neuro Psychiatry and Director of Manasa Hospital explains, “Every parent wants the best for their child but earlier generations did not have the information which we have today. They didn’t know that a child’s brain seeks security, and that fear harms learning abilities. Children feel confused when a person who is responsible for their protection makes them feel unsafe. The physical and emotional violence we inflict on our children is reflected in the kind of people they grow up to be.”
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Dr Samhita says, “Research shows that yelling at children makes them more aggressive physically and verbally. Yelling scares children and leaves them feeling insecure. Calmness on the other hand is reassuring, and children feel loved and accepted in spite of their bad behaviour.”
She adds that verbal insults can be qualified as emotional abuse. “It’s been shown to have longterm effects like anxiety, low self-esteem and increased aggression. It also makes children more susceptible to bullying because their understanding of healthy boundaries and selfrespect are askew,” she elaborates.
PHYSIOLOGICAL IMPACT
Citing examples from global research, Dr Samhita says, “A comparison of brain scans of those who had suffered verbal parental abuse as children, and those who did not, showed that there was a noticeable difference between the two sets, in parts of the brain responsible for processing sounds and language.” Many studies have shown a connection between emotional abuse and depression and anxiety. These could also lead to self-destructive actions like drug abuse or risky sexual activity and even impact the physical health children, causing chronic pain, and leading to arthritis, bad headaches and chronic neck and back pain as they grow up, she says. Children who were exposed to harsh, abusive words from parents might employ the same tactics themselves, Dr Samhita notes. “They will talk back and be disrespectful. Your relationship with them will become unstable and volatile to a point of not being able to communicate in a healthy way. They may pull away from you,” she warns.
RE-LEARNING PARENTING
It is natural for parents to worry about their children, and out of this worry emerges the need to control their life because they believe they know what is best for the child. However, Dr Ravikanth Tangella, Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at Dr Ravi’s Child Guidance Clinics, Madhapur and Vanasthalipuram, suggests a different approach to parenting based on research.
He says, “Every time there is a conflict between what you think is right for your children and what your children want to do, have a discussion and listen to their point of view and vision. Letting your child learn the hard way is not bad. As a parent, your job is to show them the possible consequences of various scenarios while remaining open to the possibility of being wrong yourself. If a parent acts like they know it all, the child will rebel and try his/her best to prove the parent wrong.” His advice is, “accept their flaws, and be there for your child when their ways don’t work out, instead of being someone they fear.”