agony aunt
Sharing the load
I’m 25 years old and I’m in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend since past 2 years. Our relationship is just great and I have no complaints save one.We adopted a pup 2 months ago on his insistence as he loves dogs and has wanted one since the time we moved in together. I was against it because I thought that once we get a pet, I will solely have to take responsibility of it and he wouldn’t share the load.We discussed over it and mutually decided to bring a pup and to divide the responsibility among us. Initial one month was great; we would alternate between giving a bath, feeding, and cleaning the dog and take him for walks together. But, soon that started changing. He began to delegate all the stuff to me and now says he hasn’t got time to take care of the dog due to his excess office workload. I feel it isn’t fair since I am also a working woman and have a full time job.The dog is only 4 months old and needs our love and care. At the same time, I’m not willing to devote so much time and energy over it all on my own. Often, I am stuck with cleaning after him and taking care of him all the time.
Ans: You need to chalk out a plan with your husband whereby the work is divided equally like how it was initially planned. You both have taken up the responsibility to bring up the puppy so it’s important that responsibilities need to be shared. You should ideally sit and have a serious talk with your husband since it’s not fair that all the work, pressure and responsibility are held against you. If things do not work out and the both of you cannot devote that kind of care, time and love you might have to consider the option of giving the puppy away to someone who will be able to take care of the puppy.
Friendship before love
I have had a huge crush on a girl since 2 years now. I never told her about how I feel because she was dating my friend at that time. But, recently the two of them broke up and are not really on talking terms. I still like her and wish to pursue her; however, I’m worried that doing so would upset my friend. He would feel betrayed by me and my friendship with him may get strained. Please help me on how to approach this issue.
Ans: Talk to your friend and explain to him about what you feel for the girl and whether he would be okay if you would confess to her. If you clear things out by approaching him directly with the issue he might understand the position you are in and may be perfectly with your decision and will respect you for talking to him first about it and being a loyal friend to him. So it’s better to ask rather than living with the fact that you will never be able to tell her how you feel about her.
Worrying excessively
Hello, I am a 29 year old man. I got married 3 years ago and we have a son who is 8 months old. My problem is that I am very anxious as a person and even the slightest of things lead me to worry excessively about things. For eg: at work, if my boss gives me a task to complete then I start panicking and my hands begin to shake. I worry about the task, how I will complete it and whether I will be able to finish on time, etc. I see all my colleagues and my other friends being very calm about all situations and I wish I was as cool as them. I don’t want to overthink about every small thing and hope that my mind stops having these racing thoughts that make me so anxious. How do I change myself? Can you give me some tips to help me?
Ans: You might be suffering from GAD- Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Where you are constantly worried and distracted by your day to day activities and keep thinking that something bad is going to happen. Symptoms are muscle tension, difficulty in concentrating, restlessness etc. You can use relaxation techniques, meditation, and yoga or go for treatment by visiting a psychologist.