THE CHANGING FACE OF INDIAN Marriages
Hari Chand Aneja recounts how marriages have now become “instant” compared to the marriage of his time which spanned across months of celebrations and preparations.
“Has the “halwai” (sweets chef) prepared the “pista barfis” (pistachio sweets)?” asked my anxious father of my elder brother. The latter unlocked the “Sweet room”, which housed about 30 large trays of colourful, enthralling Indian sweets like boondi ladoos, gulab jamuns, rasogollos, kalakands, balushais, etc. I sneaked into the forbidden room to savour the sights and aromas of the exotic sweets. In the veranda of our home in Tandalianwala, (in undivided Punjab, British India, now in Pakistan) the “halwai” squatted like the master of ceremonies next to an earthen oven, stirring a massive pot of milk, pistachios and saffron, to produce some more colourful sweets.
The house was swarming with my uncles, aunts and their friends frantically chasing some task or person. An aunt was scurrying with new red coloured dresses for the bride. Another cousin yelled for the lady who applied henna (mehindi) on the hands and feet of girls. A cousin was scampering around laying crockery and cutlery in the tented dining area for about 350 guests.
The reason for the frenzied activity was the marriage of my elder sister Laxmi in 1932. At the young age of 12, I was totally ignored by my family members who normally pushed me around. It was the first marriage I was watching closely and I was fascinated by the kaleidoscope of activities that engrossed the household.
As I grew older I participated in other marriages of numerous cousins. I observed that all the arrangements were managed by family members, relatives and friends. Marriages were normally held in the gardens of the villas. The decoration of the villa, marriage area, the lighting and flower arrangements would be undertaken by family members. Serving the meals to the guests, making arrangements for their stay would be the responsibility of other relatives.
The bridegroom, his family and friends were treated like the royalty by the bride’s family. My sister’s bridegroom arrived on a white horse in a massive procession, called the “baraat”. The procession was led by a band playing popular movie songs, followed by youngsters, who danced gustily. Many of the
relations of the bridegroom rode in horse carriages. Others walked behind the procession.
They were treated to sumptuous meals and comfortable accommodations in a local hotel or the homes of friends. It was also a tradition to serve almond flavoured milk to the guests every night before they slept.
My childhood memory recorded that the weddings amongst the Punjabi families were just too long. They went on for about 3 to 5 days. The bride’s family would tire of serving the guests. The bridegroom’s family would be itching to return to their own homes. Even the wedding ceremony was protracted. The priest would commence the ceremonies around midnight and declare the couple
husband and wife by about 5 am. Only close family members would manage to keep awake through the exhausting nocturnal ceremony. There are also other aspects of marriages that were stunning. Marriages were frequently arranged by families, without the bride and the bridegroom having met or even seen each other. The bride’s face was always covered during the marriage. So the bridegroom had the first glimpse of his bride, only after the marriage. The bride’s family invariably gave a lot of jewellery and gifts to the bridegroom. These were
frequently displayed in a room, for all family members and friends to see.
Now when I see youngsters get married, I am stunned at how easy it has become to get married. Marriage planners manage the entire wedding. They do their best to make each wedding unique. Star category hotels provide accommodation and hospitality to the guests. The bride’s family and friends participate in the festivities and enjoy the wedding as much as the bridegrooms. They do not have to worry about almond-milk being served to guests till midnight.
When I got married in 1945, 71 years ago, the priest took us through the seven marriage vows, after each of which there was a walk around the sacred fire. The entire process of explaining the seven vows was elongated over 5 never-ending hours.
Now, youngsters want to know each other before tying the knot. Many live together, before taking the final call. Priests have now abbreviated the marriage process to an hour or even less. Some youngsters prefer to register their marriages in a civil court to compress the process to a few minutes.
Compared to the time I got married, which encompassed the normal 3 days of ceremonies, marriages now can be termed as “instant” marriages.