Problems Galore

Unfair financial deals

I live as a paying guest and I am a working woman. I was looking for a place and I got this one.The place was not that good but I chose it because there was no agreement or contract and because the period of my stay here was uncertain, I agreed to go for this one. I have been giving one month rent in advance and now I have decided to leave the city so I informed the landlord that I will be moving out but he is forcing me to give rent for another three months to complete 11-month contract which according to him was decided from the start. I feel this is not fair at all because I will pay the amount for something that I am not even staying for.The amount is huge and my financial status is average so I cannot afford to pay the money. I am really stressed and worried. I cannot handle this myself and I cannot even share this with my parents because they may advice me to pay the amount to avoid unwanted tension.

■ Ans: Lessons are learnt the hard ways at times, and you will remember this mistake for your future reference. Yes, but let's focus on your present and think of a method that will get you out of this mess. You know you can very well walk away from his trap, as he cannot hold you up for this, there is no written documentation that he will use it to threaten you. But before you take such drastic step it's safer to take some legal advice or else you may be underestimating his cunning performance. However, you and he both are aware of the rusty situation and hence another option can be that you and he can sit together and try to get a win-win scenario and settle the issue. You have only these two validated option, so you either fight or flight as we say and resolve this issue and it will for your best if you involve some trust worthy family member or a friend you can not only act as a witness but can also prove to be a good emotional support.

Intimacy woes

I am 20-year-old and I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now. He is amazing and totally understands me. Even our families approve of each other and do not oppose our relationship.We have been intimate since the past one year and although he is decent in bed, I don’t feel satisfied. Due to this, we have been having a few fights where he accuses me of having unrealistic expectations and I call him out on his technique which of course goes to his ego then. I really don’t know how to deal with this as I feel that my satisfaction in bed is

important as his and also very important for our relationship. I don’t know whether this is even valid or is I just blowing things out of proportion but this has been troubling me for quite a while now. Please help me as I don’t know what to do.

■ Ans: Do not doubt yourself when it come to proving womanhood to a man, as it becomes utmost importance that you think yourself as an equivalent to any man, even if that is about sex. Yes it is very bold and thoughtful of you to bring this up with your boyfriend as a surprising number of women do not even express this and they never experience pleasure and probably the whole submissive behaviour takes on. Definitely initially he may get upset about the whole thing but you must try to explain to him why it is important for you and that he should not read it as accusations but rather just simple accept it as your frank expression of sensuality, while bringing changing in them like the way you like it with not only make you feel that he cares about your happiness too but also will bring immense pleasure in the intimacy. Be calm and patient and help him understand you better in bed, with your likes and dislikes, your sensitive areas and just like the first few dates, similarly gradually experiment and see how one act goes at a time. Give it time and you could probably get him master the whole pleasing you in bed situation.

Confused lover

There was this girl in my class I had a crush on in college. And I didn't think too much about it because I had crushes on probably 20 other girls in college too. We weren't close friends, just 'hi hello' type friends. However, after college ended, I realised that I couldn't stop thinking about her. My friends used to tease me with her and probably I got obsessed with her.We are in a different city now but I regularly check on her or stalk on her whereabouts but I want to stop this because it’s not right. I am invading her personal space and my guilt conscious is aware of this but somehow it is just getting worse. I am not able to concentrate on my work and the thought of messaging her comes into my mind repeatedly. Please suggest ways to stop this.

■ Ans: All you need to do is admit that you are in love with her, and there is no harm in accepting it, as just like another feelings love which is a feeling too that emerges and triggers in the environment and how you express this feeling is in your choice. You have two choices here, you either give up on the thought of being with her and stop following her rather rationalise yourself why you do not want to pursue this feeling, or you approach her and express to her how do you feel and what are your intensions, whether start a love relationship with her or just let go. Think about the possibilities, and keep in mind that you may have to consider her feelings too, whether they are mutual or not. Either way the most important thing is that you gain an insight about the whole scenario, get a grip and take one step at a time.