Problems Galore Working It Out

Indecisive about future

I’m studying in my final year at a prestigious college. Currently, I’m in a dilemma. I am pursuing psychology as my major and wish to get admission in a renowned institute. For the same, I have cleared the first round and am awaiting the results for the second round. Although I performed well, I can’t be sure that I will clear this round as the seats are limited and there are too many applicants. Simultaneously, I applied for a job offer in Bangalore and got through. I have to join in May and I get to know about my admission in the institute only by mid May. If I commit to work and later get to know that I got the admission, it will be unprofessional to leave job. What should I do?

Ans: There is approach-approach conflict that is holding you back from making a sound decision. Start with pros and cons of both these opportunities and the readiness to be in each situation. For instance if the admission doesn’t take place and you have already taken up the job, things sort out on their own. You can re-apply for work or the institute in future if both are working out for you simultaneously. If you feel that work can happen at later stage but getting admission can’t, then take a call once you have confirmation of admission. You can speak to your work place authorities your situation and excuse yourself.

Unfriendly behaviour

I moved to Mumbai 3 years back to pursue higher studies. Before that I was studying in a reputed school in Baroda. Initially, I had some trouble adjusting to the new city and making friends. But gradually things fell into place. I have made some really good friends here now. However, 3 months back, I made the conscious decision of distancing myself from one of my friends. The reason for doing so is that her behaviour had started to affect me negatively. She was not a happy person; she would be depressed much of the time and often refuse to come out with us. She also had a suicidal tendency and would often harm herself physically. After 8 months of knowing her closely, I couldn’t take it any more as

her behaviour would make me feel low. She was very close to me at a certain point and I feel very guilty of deliberately distancing myself from her. Off late, I end up crying profusely without reason and keep thinking of her being lonely and depressed. Please tell me what am I to do?

Ans: The guilt seems to be misplaced here as you are blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Personal safeguard is as important as safeguarding others interest and well being. You have merely done that, and it is in terms of your own mental health. You can refer her to some professional help or involve her family and do your bit as a friend. Keep in touch with your friends and family and talk to them about what is bothering you so that their support can help you come out of this as soon as possible.

Travelling vs. Career

I have just completed my Bachelor's and before I do anything further, I would like to take a gap year. I have always wanted to travel and I have a long list of books I would like to read and do all the things that I didn't have time to do while I was studying and science and engineering took up a lot of my time. The problem is that if I do take a gap year, I would be behind a year academically. This would make everything I have planned to do to be delayed by a year. But I really want to take this year off to figure things out. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to continue in the same field as the one I am pursuing or do I want to pursue something else. Please help me sort out this confusion as I don't know what the right step is for me. Ans: Exploring the options that you have at hand can be thrilling and same time overwhelming at the same time. But the plunge needs to be taken if you wish to look back at your life with no regrets. Agreed that the gap year will put a year behind your friends academically but it also gives you an opportunity to gain experience which may not happen if you follow conventional way. Your plans can alter at any given stage in life as different experiences would bring about different perceptions. The right step would be the one that makes you happy at the end of the day. And if exploring the options is the way to do it then lagging behind by a year won’t make a huge difference.

Choosing perfect candidate

I am one of the leading heads at the office and am a big part of the recruitment process. I am part of the final interview process and have one of the final decision making rights on the employees we hire and fire. My boyfriend has applied for a position at our firm and after a series of interviews with him and other candidates; I feel that he is not the candidate to hire.There is another candidate who was a better fit to our requirements than my boyfriend. My boyfriend expects that I would choose him because he is my boyfriend and has an expectation that I would favour him. How do I break this news to him without hurting him? Ans: You can state your genuine reasons for not hiring your boyfriend as it will lead to temporary disappointment but in the long run this transparency and honesty will help in understanding each other. His expectations seem to be more emotionally driven than practically, so bridge this gap for him and try to show him that you are doing this purely with professional instincts and nothing beyond that.

Ending work on a low note

I have been working for 3 years now and ever since I started working, I have had a problem. Every time I am handed a project, I start out very enthusiastically but as the project drags on, I lose interest and just leave it. My timings at the workplace are flexible and the pay is also very good. I have even tried doing a 9am to 5pm job but I find that very restricting and makes me feel very restless to get out. This shows that I am unable to fit into either work scenario and if this continues, my credibility in the work place will be questioned. I am only 26 years old and these are my peak years to work and become successful. Please help me as I do not know what to do.

Ans: Firstly a choice of a stable career needs to take place, the one in which you are interested. You can seek professional help in order to understand your reservations regarding the work set up. At times our expectations regarding the job set up may cloud our judgement and create misconceptions of what we can do and what we can’t. It becomes important to figure out if any such discrepancy exists in your case and if it does than to work it out before looking out for any drastic career change.

Lack of financial back-up

I have been married for 3 years now and before marriage my husband and in-laws had agreed to let me work outside of home. A year after marriage there was an incident due to which I had to leave my job and stay at home. After a lot of persuasion on my part, they agreed to let me work from home. I started my business and by grace of God, it really took off. Now I have the opportunity to expand my business but I need finances for it. My two options are either taking a loan from the bank or asking money from my husband and in-laws.

Both these options are risky in my opinion and I am not sure how my business will be after expanding. There are a lot of possibilities and I don’t want to take the money and lose it. Please help me.

Ans: Business flourishing would require some amount of risk. If you know that expanding business gives you a chance to further in your career then lay down a concrete plan for the same. You can begin with something which is primary and requires less money and then take things further from there. If there is possibility of seeking money from an investor then that option also seems viable if you want to keep your personal and professional life separate.

Height of feminism

I work in a small office where everyone knows everyone. I have been working here almost 8 years now and I am at a senior level. The ratio of men is higher than women at my office. Since the past month, after women’s day, the women at the office have started objecting and pointing out many sexist behaviours which we, men have never really paid any attention to. For example, whenever there is a party that needs to be planned or a cake needs to be baked or coffee to be made, these jobs fall on the shoulders of a woman at the office. I don’t know if we were being sexist in assuming that they would be better at it because it is just something you would associate a woman to do or just conditioning that a woman did it well the first time so to just continue handing the job to her. This has become a pretty major issue at the office and everyone has to tread carefully. Please help me understand the situation better so I can help improve the office environment. Ans: The disparity that is being experienced needs to be addressed with care and unanimously. Since it’s a small group approaching each other will not pose to be a problem. You can begin with an ice breaker and arrange for something for women where all the men decide to take up jobs that have been traditionally women oriented. Then during the event you can probably raise the discussion about the expectations and misconceptions and clear the air with no hard feelings towards the end.