Problems Galore Working It Out

Problems of being an introvert

My girlfriend has too many friends, and I am an introvert who values his privacy however she repeatedly pushes me to socialise and interact with a bunch of people dissimilar to me.While, I am happy to devote all my time to her, I am simply uninterested in hanging out with her friends, and I don’t know how to confront her about this because I love her and I don’t want to hurt her.

Ans: Your personality is something your partner needs to understand in order to share a close relationship with you as well as understand you. For her to understand, you will have to be forthcoming about you simply being an introvert and not being rude and obnoxious. You not telling her the reason as to why you dislike socialising might lead to various speculations which then may become hard to resolve.

Annoying roommate

I have recently moved to a new city, and after a lot of looking and waiting have finally found an apartment. However, I am unable to get along with my roommate as she is very untidy, loud and always has a lot of people over. I have confronted her about it and said she would changes things up but it has been 2 months and nothing has changed. I am not sure what to do anymore. Please give me some suggestions.

Ans: The question here arises is that how are her actions affecting you in the first place. If this is conveyed along with the confrontation things would be impactful. The ground rules need to be set between the two of you so that you both can live peacefully. Speak to your landlord as well to bring in some discipline if things get out of hand.

Double-dating drama

I’m in a long-distance relationship and I have a very loving boyfriend, however he has very little time for me, and I have recently met a guy in my college who I get along with and I have been hanging out with him quite often, I think I have started liking him and I genuinely enjoy his attention and spending time with him. I also love my boyfriend very much, and cannot leave him and I don’t know what to do in this situation.

Ans: If the guy from your college is in way being an emotional anchor then your liking towards him may simply be a reflection of that connect. You mentioned loving your boyfriend and not wanting to leave him, thus if it that important for you then do tell him about how you miss the attention and long distance is being difficult for you. Also, have a conversation with the guy from your college and do tell him about your long-distance relationship, so that the closeness you both share remains within the lines of being friends unless both of you decide to blur it. Thus, ensuring both your relationships are viewed in the exact light as they should be.

Lost love

I was in a relationship for 9 years before I got married to the love of my life, however instantly things began to change and I have disintegrated to the point that we have lost touch with each other’s needs and wants. In this situation, I find myself drifting away from him. As I am still young and do not want to dedicate all my time to a negative person. How should I fix this?

Ans: Seeking some professional help in terms of marital counselling might help in putting certain things into perspective. The general myth of going to a counsellor is that one has to fix the marriage at any cost. If one is unhappy in the relationship and believes that it won’t work out, a counsellor can help get this perspective cleared as well. Have a conversation with your husband regarding the apparent gap between what you both expected and what the relationship has now turned out to be, where and how things can be altered and the need to seek help if things don't work out between the two of you.

Corporate bullying

I am a 23-year-old male, and I have just recently started my first job at an ad agency. Initially, I was very excited to start working as this is something I’ve always wanted to do however, lately I have started finding myself being really anxious before heading to work because one of my co-workers has been bullying me since day one. I thought it would stop eventually, and accepted it because I was the “new guy” but it still persists. My work is suffering due to this, and I am apprehensive to speak up because I don’t want to seem weak or rat out a fellow co-worker.What can I do?

Ans: Speaking or standing up for yourself is very essential especially in an environment where you are feeling threatened. Bullies function where they sense fear and the more you dread facing them, strongly they attack. The way to get around a bully is to not give in his unreasonable demands or ways to trouble you. Bringing into light unfair means used by a co-worker is not ratting out rather it is keeping the work environment less toxic and more conducive to work productively.

Cunning partner

I am a 28-year-old female, and I have recently been given a project in which I have a partner. My partner is over confident, obnoxious and inconsiderate. He refuses to cooperate and compromise, and I find that he presents my ideas as his own to gain credit from our bosses and is very well liked by them.Working with him is impossible and I’m not sure how to deal with this. Please help.

Ans: The difficulty hear seems to be between the two of you failing to create a rapport and work together as both of you come across as strong headed individuals: him for his confidence and you for your ideas. If you feel you are not being your due, bring it to the notice of our bosses and request for assessing you on individual grounds along with the team work. Also talking and clearing the air with your work partner is essential to call out on his behaviour and make him aware that working as a team entails working together and not going behind each other's back.

Secret haters

I am 32-year-old women, I have been working at my company for the past 1 year, and one of the older employees at my firm has the tendency to gossip a lot, to the extent that they bad mouth me behind my back and indirectly in front of me, just because they have somehow taken a disliking towards me. I have made all efforts to be kind to them and not given them any reasons to dislike me but they continue to gossip about me, spreading rumours that are untrue, complaining that I don’t do my work properly, cutting me off when I’m talking and are generally unpleasant to me. This has made my work place a very negative environment for me and is deterring me from focusing on my work. I am not interested in being caught up in this office drama but I’m unsure about how I should stop this.

Ans: Your workplace environment needs to be healthy for your work productive as well as psychological wellbeing. If pleasing the colleagues is that important then it is an uphill task to please all of them. If you value the job and the work people are causing a damage to that then hold up assertively and do involve the higher authorities. But if the job isn't satisfying and the work environment is also unsatisfying, do think about the factors for which you are continuing being in the job.

Pesky office pal

I am a 22-year-old female, and I recently joined the company I am currently working in, and on the first day of work I met a guy from another department and he was really welcoming a sweet to me and we became friends. He has ever since become clingy and messages me all the time and wants me to hang out with him all the time. This making me very uncomfortable and I don’t know how to get rid of him.What should I do?

Ans: The discomfort that his behaviour is causing will further create a rift between the friendship that you felt was established in the first place. If you are looking at him as only your friend, do convey this to him directly rather than cutting him off or trying to ignore/cancel the plans hoping he will stop asking. You both can establish the ground rules for the relationship that could exist between the two of you hence forth thus putting both of you on the same page.

Dr Anjali Chhabria, http://anjalichhabria.com MINDTEMPLE