Problems Galore Working It Out

Spiritual detachment

Me and my husband were together for a long time before we got married. It was a love marriage and both the families were accepting.We have different spiritual ideologies. This was never a problem until we had a child. Since we live with his parents, I am unable to completely and freely give my spiritual ideology to my child and that makes me feel lost and detached from my child.

■ Ans: Having a conversation about this with your husband is essential as he is instrumental in bringing about the balance between the two spiritual practices. The discussion needs to be about the importance of inculcating few values in your child’s life and not upholding one religion over the other. As long as line of discussion is clear, the chances of getting across your point are also high.

Social isolation

As a teenager who does not enjoy clubbing and partying I face a lot of bullying and social isolation. I do not wish to succumb to peer pressure, but I end up feeling quite lonely and not understood. I do not know how to take my stand and feel good about it.

■ Ans: The social circle where you are comfortable should be the preferred one rather than the one you think should be accepted just because others are following it. You can find people with similar interests and stand by your choice in terms of socialising.

Fallout with best friend

My best friend and I had a sudden fall out. She suddenly distanced herself from me without telling me what went wrong. I am now left feeling broken and very upset as I do not have too many other friends in college. She ignores me in college and so do most of our common friends. I now hate going to college or meeting any friends and feel constantly upset and

sad. I do not know how to break out of this, move on and feel happy.

■ Ans: The fallout has affected you emotionally and is taking a toll on your day to day functioning, for this to stop there needs to be steps taken towards getting better. This will happen only if you resume your daily activities and not let that part of you be affected with the friend’s issue. This will also help you establish new relations and meet new people. Also keeping aside the thought that you need to know the reason of the fallout will also help in coming out of this state sooner.

Stifling relationship

My relationship with my boyfriend started out well. After 3 months, he started getting very insecure and clingy. He gave me hate for going on a girls trip with my friends and enjoying it. He wanted me to spend all my time with him leaving me feeling claustrophobic in this relationship. I want to end it but I’m scared of what he’ll

do when I tell him that.

■ Ans: You have a responsibility towards yourself as much as you consider being responsible towards others. In this scenario, your boyfriend is creating an environment which is making you feel uncomfortable and thus if you wish to break up with him, communicate to him about the reason as well. being fearful about his actions and being in a relationship will eventually be detrimental to both.

Lack of support

I am a 13-year-old boy who enjoys folk dancing. I have been taking part in a lot of competitions at school. The boys in my class mock me for this. A lot of my guy friends stopped hanging out with me too. I have been called names and bullied as well. Even my family is not very supportive about my dancing. They are worried about what people will say. I really wish to pursue this hobby and get trained for the same, but I do not want to lose all my friends or make my parents unhappy.

■ Ans: The journey towards embracing what makes you happy and what would make others happy is always a difficult one as most of the times we chose others over our own selves. this leaves us with a bitter feeling towards them and thus the whole relationship becomes conditional. You choosing the dance form which gives you immense pleasure need not be discarded due to how others view it. Your choice will be appreciated if you continue in it and chose to better in it rather than give up.

Hostile boss

I always put in my all into this job, but my boss doesn’t appreciate it at all. He also resorts to using foul language and harsh tones while communicating his thoughts. I’m left frustrated and do not know how to work in such an environment as leaving the job is not a very realistic option for me.

■ Ans: The approach you have towards the job is somewhere backed by fear along with frustration. Bringing into notice to your boss as to how his behaviour is affecting you would at least bring to light the issue rather than you all being subjugated to ill treatment. At any given point, your emotional and mental well-being is essential to sustain the environment and you always have an option of moving to a better place if things don’t seem to change at the current workplace.

Overcoming anxiety

I struggle with general anxiety and I recently got a new job at this big firm. It’s my first big job and I want to do my best but my fear of doing something wrong is holding me back.

■ Ans: the fear is both rational and irrational. Rational because you will be entering a new environment and work with people who are unknown. The irrational fear is giving rise to your anxiety as the fear is about what all could possibly go wrong. There could be multiple answers to this question, hence using your mental resources in a way where you focus more on the task at hand rather than the possibilities of things being wrong could help you settle in the new environment. looking at the situation in a gradual and compartmentalized way could be beneficial.

Envious colleague

I have a colleague who seems envious of my ability and experience due to which she is always trying to prove me wrong, interfere in my work and make me lose my position. She always finds faults in my work when our boss is around and tries to show off her knowledge to make me look inferior. This leaves me feeling dejected and frustrated and I’m unable to give my best.

■ Ans: Your ability is determined by the confidence with which you can deliver the work. Thus, the colleague may behave unprofessionally but ultimately the important thing to focus on is the effect it has on your work. The less you consider her opinions as important or the ones that matter, the easier it would be for you to let go of frustrations and dejection.

Self-doubt

Working for my brother’s firm, I deal with loads of hostility from my colleagues. I am not qualified for this job on paper, but my ability surpasses all my colleagues. They believe I got it only because of my relation with him and this makes me doubt myself now. I am also afraid my brother will not give me a promotion or a raise I deserve only because others won’t take it well.

■ Ans: Others would harbour the perception of you being preferred at the workplace by your brother and the way to get around this is to work with such people at a closer proximity. This will allow you to create a perception about yourself which isn’t biased. And as far as your brother is concerned have a conversation with him regarding the same so that when the situation arises, you receive what you are capable of.

Guilt-ridden

I got an unexpected promotion over a colleague who was expecting it. I think I landed it because the boss is fond of me. There is a slight sense of guilt, but I do not want to give it up because I could use the post and the pay rise that comes with it. But now I cannot face that colleague and a lot of others at office, because every time I see them I’m struck by a lot of guilt. I cannot go back on my decision of accepting it now but I do not know how to cope with the guilt.

■ Ans: There are few considerations to be made here, first ask yourself whether you are deserving of the promotion, then move to ask yourself whether this post will be done justice to if you continue. If there is any doubt that you will not be the best person for the job, suggest this to your boss and let him take a call. If the guilt is just because of the favouritism, it will disappear if you realise that you are good for the job.