It's OKAY to be SAD
Do not forget that you are human and it is alright to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and start living there. Cry it out and clear your vision to refocus on where you are headed, writes APARNA KAPOOR
Who wants to be sad? Or would opt for being sad? I don’t feel the need to answer that question. We often feel that if we are sad, we would be considered weak, hence camouflage our sadness with a fake smile and pretend that everything is hunky dory, or else we would be mistaken of being understood as someone who is emotionally needy and an emotional fool. And going by the current trend of the social media; when everyone ‘seems’ to be so very happy in that virtual web world, it has become a necessity to at least ‘show’ that you are so very happy – all the time! So very unnatural, don’t you feel?
Humans feel sad
Yes we do. But I don’t like, want or feel the need to make a big hue and cry about it. And for the same reason, I think, I am a very bad consoler, because I don’t feel the need to do so; because sadness is something which could be resolved only by the person himself and not by someone else. A person can step out of sadness only if one desires. Consolations don’t really go a long way anyway. Also, I don’t think that you need to deny the fact that you are sad. If someone asks you whether or not you are sad; go ahead and accept it.
The fact is that it’s no big deal about being sad. If you are happy, you are bound to be sad. It’s just that; and let’s just keep it that simple, let’s not complicate it. I feel that to be sad is just like being happy – a feeling or an experience. So by social standards if it is okay to be happy, it is okay to be sad as well. If being happy is acceptance (you never don’t want to be happy, do you? We always are happy being happy), to be sad should be an acceptance too. Why are we so partial towards sadness? Which actually is just the flip side of being happy? Happiness is there because there is sadness and vice versa.
The dualities
Who opted for this sadness, did we? Surely no, for heaven’s sake you would think. Do we ever ask why we are happy, but we surely want to analyse to the minutest detail and reason for our sadness. From where did this monster called sadness get into us? To understand this concept, let’s understand what is happiness? And why everyone wants to be ‘happy’ by choice? Happiness could be defined as a positive state of mind we are in, importantly, when we achieve a desired goal, which we have been longing for to get intense joy, well, temporarily. Whereas sadness is nothing, but a negative emotion, which we feel when that intense joy ends or our desires are left unfilled; again temporarily.
So is it not a choice which we ourselves made at the first place in the beginning; by opting for happiness and lead ourselves into a ‘trap’ and inviting sadness. As mentioned earlier these are dualities; they co-exist. If we choose one, the other is granted by default.
So what is the way out? I feel that there are two ways. Number one, accept both with open arms (which I strongly feel for, and am talking about today) and number two, reject both, which is a bit difficult to practice, because one may reject sorrow, but how can one reject happiness too, right? It requires a lot of emotional stability to reject both while still living a life of a common family person, with all the worldly affairs still in place and active.
This too shall pass...
An important point to be understood is that neither happiness nor grief will stay forever, then why fuss about either? They both operate from within us, we don’t or rather should not operate from within them, and every time we do, we multiply the grief and make it unbearable for ourselves.
Am I sounding a bit insensitive? But I am not. I only want to tackle sadness – head on. I am only making you aware of this vicious cycle of joy and sorrow and warning you against falling prey to this endless drama, the never ending saga of duality. Go on, hug a person who is sad, but after that, help him see the silver lining behind the dark cloud, which probably he is unable to see due to the blurred vision, the tear filled eyes.
You may call this optimism, but what’s wrong in seeing the brighter side of things, what’s the harm to safeguard ourselves from our own web of mental blocks? Life is beautiful and more importantly, quite small, there’s no time to sulk. Enjoy the beauty of simplicity of life and keep it that way – simple.
Stay in your groove
Be sad, as much as you desire, but don’t let it affect the person you are. Your quotient of happiness or sadness within yourself will not change or rather should not change the person you actually are. Happiness should not make you arrogant or sadness should not break you or make you a bitter or a toxic person. Just hold on to your core and you shall sail through both, unaffected.
Give yourself enough time to overcome your emotions and feel the sorrow as we feel happiness. It is only after you would actually ‘feel’ the sorrow and your happiness alike; do you evolve as a person; learning from your experiences with life; perhaps with your and other’s mistakes too. Every joy and every sorrow comes with a lesson in life; it is up to us if we are able to decode it.
Also give yourself enough time to heal. A wounded warrior cannot fight the battle. Nurture your wounds, but do not take forever. Life is short and has many surprises for you, unveil them before time runs out. If you are hurt – sulk, cry, learn and bounce right back on with your life. So next time grief takes over the better of you, don’t pity yourself, just let it be. It will go on its own, just like your happiness did.