What is love

After understanding the tyranny of unconditional love (last week) we can look at the most illusive and elusive form of love i.e romantic love. Everyone needs it at some point in time or the other. Many search for it only to be disappointed. At the end one can be full of hurt and guilt. Hurt with what one received and guilt with what one dished out. The problem lies with how one picked up ideas of love. Movies, fairy tales, portrayals in media - the list is endless but most of these are out of touch with reality.

I would like to propose a working definition of love - What is there when one cares for and contributes to the security, growth and happiness of another person as much as one's own. If it is more, one can be in a clingy dependent relationship. This at best is a painful possessive relationship. At the worst it can be obsessive and abusive. If less, one tends to be self centred and needs to work to grow out of it and enjoy what love can offer.

One needs to consciously choose to care for the other's security, growth and happiness as much as one's own. Not always easy but very rewarding. Even the attempt to do so makes one grow to be a better version of oneself. One must keep in mind that even though all of us have ideas about how we would like to be loved the other person can love us only in a manner that they know. However, these can be taken care of, if the basic definition is followed and one learns to communicate in a healthy manner. Then, in time one would learn to love the other person in the way the person wants and vice versa. Everyone says communication is at the heart of a relationship. But that is only if one keeps the basic definition in mind, otherwise the communication will deteriorate into blaming and manipulation. In conclusion, a loving relationship is not about two halves making a whole but two whole persons on life's journey together.