Looking for a platonic connection only

Q. I took up a spiritual path after a painful divorce and have not been in a relationship since. I have concluded that I am not so keen on being physical with someone, but I really want to connect more intimately. I want the holding, cuddles, and companionship of the relationship but nothing else. Will I ever find a partner?

Ans: You will find multiple partners, not just one. Many people desire exactly what you do: Cuddles and platonic physical touch. Not many speak about it, just like not many people express their sexual preferences. We are conditioned to chat about food choices, hobbies, and travel destinations but conveniently skip talking about very crucial needs, especially intimate ones.

And with sexual fulfillment becoming more and more aspirational, asking for platonic touch is looked down upon or even pathologised. Some people assume that there is something wrong with you if you just want to hug. But the truth is that platonic touch is much more important to human beings than having sex. When we are deprived of touch as children, we are more likely to develop chronic illnesses, immunodeficiencies, and negative emotional and behavioural patterns.

Long periods of touch deprivation impact our mood, stress regulation capabilities, sleep, memory, and ideas of self-worth. A simple 20-second hug impacts hormones and neurotransmitters that help us deal with grieving, loss, breakups, social anxiety, depression. Touch decreases cortisol levels while increasing the positive effects of both bonding hormone oxytocin and mood stabiliser hormone serotonin.

While you wait to meet your cuddling partner, you can also avail professional cuddling services nowadays available in bigger cities. Professional cuddlers will help you find out what you enjoy most when exploring platonic touch and practice for when it will happen. Just remember that this service is not, and cannot be, a replacement for a romantic connection.