Home Is Where the Ship Is
Come aboard with Carnival’s brand ambassador, John Heald.
A CRUISE DIRECTOR IS THE PUBLIC FACE of a ship, and the voice heard from above — over the PA system, that is. It’s a job that Carnival Cruise Line’s John Heald says brings great rewards.
“Every day is a fun day,” Heald says. “The guests make you laugh. The crew makes you laugh.”
Celebrating 30 years with the company, Heald, a longtime cruise director, is now the cruise line’s brand ambassador and hugely popular blogger. ROLE PLAYING
_ Heald’s current role includes introducing new ships — such as the upcoming
Carnival Horizon — and hosting some fan cruises each year. But even in his new position, the cruise director personality remains. Only a few minutes into this interview, Heald already has made a poop joke.
He says the job of cruise director goes way beyond standing on stage and making people laugh, and is actually much harder than most people think. Yes, you have to be the life of the party, but you also have to be the ship’s trusted purveyor of information, in both good and stormy times. The job is like Julie McCoy on
The Love Boat, only on overdrive. “I’ve wanted to rap people on the head with a clipboard like Julie,” Heald laughs. “And I’ve had people come up to me many, many, many times and say ‘ I’m on a cruise on my own. Could you hook me up with this person or that person.’”
And like Julie, Heald says he’s also doubled as a marriage counselor. “I’ve sat with countless numbers of couples who have had problems on board and want to talk about this or that,” he says.
Raised in the U.K., where he still lives with his wife and young daughter, Heald didn’t set out to work on ships. Straight out of university he first took a job at the London Futures Exchange.
“Then one day I was on a commuter train and I couldn’t find a seat,” he recalls. “It was dark and it was raining and it was winter and I thought, ‘There’s got to be more to life than this.’”
So he answered a magazine advertisement for a bartender, exaggerated his one-week college experience working in a bar, and flew off to Miami to join a ship. Heald admits he was a terrible bar waiter, an equally bad wine steward, and later the “worst assistant bar manager in the world, ever.”
However, noticing his easy rapport with passengers, higher-ups handed Heald a microphone and sent him out on stage. That mi- crophone has been the vehicle for many jokes — and also some memorable moments — over the years. PERSONAL ACCOUNTS
_ At Carnival, the role of cruise director involves being out among passengers from 9 a.m. (and even earlier some days) until after midnight. Downtime is rare — with most meals in the staff mess and maybe a quick nap on a port day. You really can’t have a bad day, Heald says, because every time you leave the crew area, you’re on. Still, there are times you get tested. For instance, Heald was on Carnival Triumph when 9/11 occurred.
“We’re talking about fun, fun, fun and then something like that happens,” Heald says. “We had to find a way to bring everyone together.”
Cruise directors also witness heartwarm-
ing events, such as the time an elderly woman who couldn’t fly because of a health condition was able to cruise to Italy to reconnect with her sister who she hadn’t seen in 50 years. “It was extraordinary,” Heald says.
There are also frequent oddball requests to deal with, such as the lady who demanded he wash and dry her wet clothes because he didn’t warn passengers it was going to rain.
“I did wash her clothes,” Heald laughs. “What she doesn’t know is that I put my underwear in with her wash.”
Then there was the time a passenger was upset because Heald couldn’t arrange for her daughter to be personally congratulated by the captain on stage for graduating as her class valedictorian.
“She spent the rest of the 12-day Europe cruise sitting in the front row at every show with her daughter dressed in a green gown and mortar board. The kid even went to dinner dressed in it,” he says.
Among Heald’s close friends are cruise directors from other cruise lines, and they get together and share such stories, he says. Heald also enjoys mentoring new Carnival cruise directors. His advice?
“The microphone is just an instrument that makes your voice louder. It should never change the person you are,” he says. “You also have to have extremely thick skin. Anytime you put yourself on a stage and go ‘ Ta da, look at me,’ you’re going to have some people who will not like something you say. These days it’s like the offended have inherited the earth.”
Among Heald’s fondest memories was hosting his parents on board, sharing with them his senior officer accommodations with living room, office, bedroom, and bathroom. “Those are the moments you look back on,” he says.
And although, as senior officers, cruise directors enjoy many of the same benefits as passengers, such as having someone make their bed, being at sea is not an easy life. You’re away from your family for six to eight months at a time, you’re somewhat isolated from the outside world, and at times it’s exhausting, Heald says.
Still, the rewards are great. “You get to make a thousand people at a time laugh,” he says. “It’s a wonderful way to save money and a fantastic way to see incredible places with wonderful people. I wouldn’t change it for
world.”• the
Yes, you have to be the life of the party, but you also have to be the ship’s trusted purveyor of information, in both good and stormy times.