The mothers who regret having children
Most parents will acknowledge that children are hard work, but are likely to say the rewards outweigh the challenges. To feel differently is almost unspeakable, but there are women who regret having children. Three women tell the Victoria Derbyshire program what it is like to secretly wish they had not become mothers.
“If I could turn the clock back I would not have had children,” said Rachel who is now in her 50s, BBC wrote.
She has three children — her youngest is 17 — and for most of this time she has been a single mother, which is when the reality hit her.
“There were times where I didn’t feel mature enough to be responsible for somebody, this little person that needed me for their existence,” she said.
“It just felt like an endless round of putting a bottle or food in their mouth for it to come out of the other end — and at what point was any of this going to be fun?
“I just felt like screaming that actually it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. If you’re really maternal then that’s great you’ve got everything you’ve wanted, but when you’re not maternal all you’ve done is trap yourself.”
Rachel admitted that she did not think hard enough about how having children would affect her life — had she realized, she wouldn’t have had them.
“But I feel guilty for saying that, because I love my children dearly,” she said.
“You feel like you’ve not been a good mom and it’s a guilt you always carry, it never goes away and you wonder if they know.
“But life shouldn’t be about giving up your life, your freedom, so they can have a life.”
This is tough for her to admit, because “people assume that you’re not a nice person”.
Rachel is desperate for women who feel the same way not to be vilified.
“I felt so alone. I felt like there was something wrong with me. Had I been able to talk about it and somebody understood, I may have found it easier actually to cope with motherhood.”
How common is this?
It is impossible to know how many women feel this way because so few speak openly about it.
But in a 2016 German survey by Yougov, eight percent of 1,200 participants said they regretted becoming parents.