Meet the Newry boy who helps mum as a carer for his three younger siblings
To mark National Young Carers’ Awareness Day, Stephanie Bell speaks to Newry mother Martina McMahon, who relies on nine-year-old son Alex to help her care for his three younger siblings, all of whom have disabilities
Nine-year-old Alex McMahon’s life is very different from that of his friends. While the rest of his primary five class are enjoying hobbies or playing on games consoles after school, Alex is pitching in to help care for his younger siblings.
Today, on National Young Carers’ Awareness Day, Alex is one of 6,500 children under the age of 16 in Northern Ireland being recognised for the sacrifice they make every day by taking on a caring role in the home.
Mum Martina (34) describes Alex as her “little superhero” and says she wouldn’t be able to cope without him.
Martina, from Newry, battles “constant guilt” for the responsibility her little boy is shouldering, but she also admits that the role of helping with his younger sisters and brother comes naturally to him.
It was when her marriage broke up that Alex took on extra responsibility helping out at home.
“I do feel constantly guilty for having to lean so heavily on Alex at such a young age, and he does not have a normal life of a young person,” says Martina, who has four-year-old twin girls, Zoe and Ruby, both of whom have special needs.
Zoe has severe autism, is completely non-verbal and needs round-the-clock care. Her twin sister has been diagnosed with learning difficulties.
Martina also has a seven-yearold son, Podraig, who has vision problems.
Alex massively steps up to the plate to help his sisters and brother and support his mother.
He does Podraig’s homework with him, helps with nappy duties and sits with his sister Zoe, who cannot be left alone, while his mum carries out household chores.
Alex also has to accompany his mum in the car when Zoe needs to go anywhere because she tries to harm herself if she is left alone.
Last year the nine-year-old gave up his twice-weekly football practice and swimming classes so that he could be at home to help out.
For Martina, young carers like her son are the forgotten heroes of the care system.
She says her home life is a constant pressure and she is under such strain that she is always shouting orders at the kids and feels bad that it is Alex who takes the weight off.
“He has always been caring beyond his years,” Martina says. “Zoe needs round-the-clock care and Alex is always watching her and cleaning up her mess and never gets a break.
“He loves Zoe and she adores him. Both girls adore him. While Zoe is non-verbal,
Ruby is the opposite and never stops talking and says the same thing over and over again.
“Zoe will not sit in the car. She goes crazy and bangs her head off the windows and bites herself and pulls her hair out, so I can’t take her in the car unless Alex is there to calm her.
“She gets very frustrated because she can’t talk and she has no sense of danger, which is why she needs someone to be with her 24/7, and a lot of that falls to Alex.
“He will sit with her and mind her while I get on with cooking or doing other things round the house.
“Zoe only sleeps two to three hours every night, usually between 2am and 6am. That doesn’t affect Alex, but it leaves me exhausted.”
Alex devotes his evenings to the family from the moment he comes home from school.
After doing his own homework, he sits with brother Podraig and helps him complete
his. He then minds his two sisters while his mum cooks dinner.
After eating he has an hour to himself before helping to dress the girls for bed and getting their supper.
“I make sure Alex gets at least an hour every night to himself when he can take his tablet up to his room or read or do whatever he wants,” Martina explains.
“I do worry constantly about him. He is very on the ball for his age and he is like my wee shadow.
“He is very protective of me and recently started to notice me stressed, and that’s something he shouldn’t be seeing at his age.
“It is like he has become the man of the house, but he is only nine.”
Alex is a primary five pupil at Cloughoge Primary School, outside Newry.
Last year local charity Action For Children, which supports young carers, appointed a support worker for Alex.
The main aim of the charity is to offer children practical and emotional support to ensure they enjoy and achieve, just like their peers.
The Action for Children young carers team also ensures that the children get regular breaks and have fun, letting them balance their caring responsibilities with just being a child and growing up.
Alex has enjoyed a number of days out and trips to the cinema, park and seaside with the charity.
Ever mindful of the pressure on her son, Martina is delighted that he gets a well-deserved break and has something to look forward to.
“Last year Alex left his local football team and stopped swimming because he wanted to be at home to help me,” she says.
“He is going to be going swimming with his primary five class and I have enrolled him in football after school.
“Matthew, his project worker with Action For Children, has been fantastic and calls every couple of weeks to see him and take him out.
“He takes him on cinema trips and last summer, during the school holidays, he had lots of extra days out thanks to the charity.
“I do separate the boys from the girls and just have days out with the boys while the girls are
I do worry constantly about him ... he’s very on the ball for his age and is like my wee shadow
I can’t run him to friends’ houses and having friends over just isn’t doable any more
being looked after by friends. Zoe can’t go out because she doesn’t like noise or crowds. I try to do something with the boys one day every week.
“There is very little fun in our house because it is so busy and it is important that the boys have some fun.
“This June I have booked to go just with the two boys on our first ever holiday together, to Salou.
“They are really excited and it will give Alex a real break and a chance to have some fun. He really deserves it and we can’t wait.”
Martina says that her eldest child’s caring na- ture extends well beyond his immediate family. Without being asked, he helps out elderly neighbours by taking their bins out for them. The nature of their home life, which Martina describes as “hectic and like a military operation”, also means that Alex no longer has friends over for play dates or arranges to visit friends.
This also preys on his mum’s mind.
“I can’t run him to friends’ houses and pick him up, and having friends over is just not do-able any more,” says Martina.
“I have constant guilt about that and the fact that there is too much put on him.
“Before the girls came along
I was constantly bringing him to play dates and parties, but that has all stopped now.
“Alex never complains. He really is a wee star.”