When you have children, you realise just how wonderful someone can be
Donegal, in Rathmullan. It is on a bit of family land, right on Lough Swilly. One particular day it was blowing a gale. John said we should go for a walk and I thought he was mad, but he coaxed me out and we went right down to the water’s edge with this proper windy, grey, stormy Donegal weather in the background. Then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I could have passed out. I certainly didn’t expect it. It was so lovely. John still laughs to this day. He says he wasn’t proposing at all, it was the wind that blew him over.
We chose the engagement ring together in our friend’s jewellers, Jack Murphy’s in Newry. It was lovely to get engaged with one of my oldest school friends helping us choose the ring. It was poignant because I had lived away for such a long time and it was lovely to come home and do something very homely and simple.
The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. There is a running theme within our relationship — wind, storms and rain. I woke up on the morning of our wedding and went for a walk. It was a beautiful day on the shores of Camlough Lake. I remember thinking it would bode well for the day. When I got to the church I remember the beautiful music sailing down the valley, but then the wind picked up my veil and it almost took off. It was so windy, it was hysterical. I remember having to rush into the Galgorm under umbrellas because the rain was so fierce.
I’d like to think I’m romantic, but John always beats me hands down. Not in the typical romance category, but he’s just so thoughtful with presents and his timing of things and his approach to things. He does things like hunt out the negatives to precious pictures that have gone missing and then he has them printed. It was jaw-dropping that someone could be so thoughtful to keep digging until they unearthed these negatives. John is amazing. It is so wonderful when you meet someone and you are single and you come together as a unit. He was always such a thoughtful, charming and loving man, but when you have children you really realise how wonderful someone can be. He has turned out to be the most amazing, loving father. And I got to see a whole different side to him that I didn’t know was there.
I was 40 when I had Ellie and he was 46, and that experience might never have come for us. We are very lucky — Ellie coming into the world has been the romantic part of our lives coming together.”
Have you ever taken your child to the theatre? There’s no doubt it can be a magical and memorable experience but, according to experts, taking youngsters to watch a live performance could also provide a host of developmental benefits, including improved emotional intelligence and opportunities to discuss difficult subjects.
Add to that the fun and bonding experience both kids and parents can have from attending a live show, whether that’s a panto, play or a musical, and it’s clear that a trip to the theatre is a great family outing, particularly if you can grab a few cut-price tickets too.
However, new research shows nearly a third (30%) of parents say their child has never been to the theatre.
Meanwhile, of the 70% of parents whose youngsters have seen live performances, 90% say their children get excited about going, and 19% say they talk about the performance for months after seeing it (for years, in some cases).
The research by Encore Tickets (encoretickets.co.uk), also found that 46% of parents enjoy going to the theatre with their child, because they believe it’s good for their development, and two-thirds say they enjoy it because it’s a family experience they can share together that brings happy memories.
Experts are in full agreement. Going to see live theatre shows can help aid children’s understanding of emotions, according to Birkbeck, University of London developmental psychologist Dr Natasha Kirkham.
Kirkham, a researcher at Birkbeck’s Centre for Brain and Cognitive Development, also says there’s clear evidence that attending theatre performances can help enhance social bonds and play a useful role in helping children develop emotional intelligence.
Here’s a closer look at how going to the theatre can be great for kids ...
IT HELPS FAMILY BONDING AND STRENGTHENS RELATIONSHIPS
Research by University College London shows those who attend the theatre together will synchronise their heart rates,
A mum and child at a live show. Below, Dr Natasha Kirkham
which is shown to promote affiliation (close connection) and social bonding.
Kirkham explains: “When people behave similarly, they perceive each other as more alike, which in turn creates a sense of connection or attachment. Going to the theatre with family and friends can therefore offer the potential of promoting relationships, in addition to the already known benefits of spending time as a family.”
This has clear implications for child development, she adds, given that childhood is a vital time for forming social groups and bonding.
She points out that developmental psychologists have known for years that play-acting is a fundamental part of development, allowing children to engage in different personalities, work their way through complex social relationships and navigate emotional issues. “It’s exciting to consider that attending the theatre could offer some of the same benefits,”
says Kirkham.
IT HELPS TO IMPROVE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
The narrative of performances can bring to life the most dramatic yet distressing issues that people experience.
Topics such as love and friendship, bullying, violence and experiencing the death of a loved one can all feature in theatre productions, all of which play out the emotions involved and often the consequences.
And by witnessing these sorts of topics, but in a fun and safe environment like the theatre, children can access unfamiliar emotions, even more effectively than when reading stories.
A study by the University of Arkansas found that when primary and secondary school pupils saw Hamlet or A Christmas
Carol, they had enhanced knowledge of the plot and vocabulary in the plays, greater tolerance and improved ability to read the emotions of others.
The researchers, led by Jay Greene, a professor of education reform, concluded: “Seeing plays is an effective way to teach academic content. It increases student tolerance by providing exposure to a broader, more diverse world, and improves the ability of students to recognise what other people are thinking or feeling. These are significant benefits.”
IT OPENS UP CONVERSATIONS AROUND DIFFICULT YET IMPORTANT SUBJECTS
The Encore Tickets research demonstrated that seeing a theatre performance can have a lasting impression, as children often spoke about what they saw for months, sometimes even years, afterwards.
Kirkham says this shows the impact a story performance can have on a child, and how — by exposing them to things — theatre can help enable open discussions about subjects that can be tricky to bring up.
Kirkham adds that after the children, parents and teachers had been to see a play that discussed bullying and violence, she conducted workshops and group interviews on these topics at primary schools in 10 inner-city areas with high violent crime rates.
“By attending a play that discussed these pertinent issues, the children, their parents and teachers were able to engage in dialogue about the gap between what the children were experiencing and what the adults were seeing,” says Kirkham.
“Taken together, this suggests an evident benefit of theatre attendance for children, across a range of developmental areas. Theatre can improve social bonding, allow for emotions to be explored in a safe space, and kick-start conversations about important issues.”