‘My one sadness is it will be all about me and I won’t be there’
Actress and comedian Nuala McKeever (54) lives in Belfast. She is putting on her one woman show In The Window at the Lyric Theatre in Belfast on August 17-19. She says:
When my former partner, Mike (Moloney), died suddenly five years ago I wrote a list of 21 things I wanted to do before I died. I have done all of them except write a will and leave behind instructions for what I want at my funeral.
I haven’t done these things as it is not something I want to think about. No one does.
Fortunately, Mike had left instructions and we knew what he wanted. He wanted to be cremated. In fact, he told me that on our first date which I thought was a bit weird.
I would hate to die and be buried in a Catholic service which is something my family might do. Families can come to blows over funeral arrangements.
I stopped being a practising Catholic years ago and got into zen and Buddhism.
I meditate and practice calmness and wellbeing.
I would like to be wrapped in an organic woven burial sheet and burned on a pyre which is a kind of bonfire. People stand around and chant while the body burns.
When I used to be more spiritual I would lie awake at night and make myself sad by thinking of songs I’d like sung at my funeral.
Now I’d like it to be very calm and natural. I’d like it to be outdoors.
Funerals are very personal and the funeral of a young mum or a young person is very different to that of a 90-year-old who has lived life to the full.
I think there is room for both. I think your death should be celebrated as much as your life.
About 10 years ago I did some research with women who had cancer. There was a lot of black humour.
One woman talked about all the music she wanted played at her funeral and I remember her daughter saying ‘mum, it isn’t a priest you need, it is a DJ’.
My only sadness is that it will be all about me and I won’t be there to join in and be part of it. I would like the drama of being there.
Maybe I will die near the Twelfth and then they can just stick me on the bonfire and remember me and have a laugh.
Death is still very taboo here. We need to talk about it and open up and express our wishes.”