Grieving Belfast widow forced to join a six-month waiting list for counselling
A PENSIONER grieving for her late husband has called for faster access to bereavement counselling services after being placed on a six-month waiting list.
Widow Maryann Quigley said the death of her husband Patrick — after 35 years of marriage — from acute lung condition pulmonary fibrosis has left her “absolutely devastated”.
The 70-year-old from north Belfast said she had been advised by the Belfast Trust, which cared for her 78-year-old late husband until he died in August, to contact charity Cruse Bereavement Care for grief counselling.
She said she was shocked when she was told by Cruse, which offers its services for free, that it will be early next spring before she will receive an appointment.
“I phoned Cruse the following week after Patrick’s funeral and was told that it will be next February, even then they couldn’t give me a definite date,” she told the Belfast Telegraph.
“Patrick was my rock, I miss him so much. Pulmonary fibrosis is an awful disease.”
Mrs Quigley said she also contacted similar charities as well as support groups — including those aimed at helping older people — only to be given similar waiting times or discover they do not offer counselling services.
“You go to the GP and you’re told to go to those groups... I became exhausted in my search for services in or out of Belfast which could offer help to those grieving.”
Cruse said its current waiting list is up to 11 weeks and blamed an increase in demand for waiting times.
Mrs Quigley said the traumatic circumstances in which she discovered her late husband has also compounded her grief.
“Patrick passed away on the morning of August 13. I was nursing him at home and he had carers, I took up his breakfast and there he was lying on the floor dead,” she recalled.
“I was absolutely distraught. I went into auto-pilot and I’m still coming to terms with the fact that he was lying dead on the floor.
“Patrick couldn’t get out of bed without help, and was on oxygen. It’s left me asking: ‘Had he struggled, had he been calling out to me?’ All of these things are present along with the grieving.”
She added that this had left her with so many questions that she is still grappling to answer — something she believes speaking to a professional can only help her with.
“I need someone to walk with me on this journey because I have so many questions. I have had to push myself to find these avenues, just to ask for counselling.”
Mrs Quigley, who is a regular weekly presenter with local television network NVTV, said that while she had the great support of her two grown-up children from her first marriage, along with friends, grief is a very personal process.
“It’s something that ultimately you go through alone,” she added. “I’ve spoken to others going through the grieving process and they’ve found the same thing with the waiting times.
“The alternative is to pay for a private counsellor which is £50 for 50 minutes per session. Not everyone has the money to pay for that.”
And while she thinks it is “wonderful” that there are so many bereavement services available to those who lost loved ones to suicides and the Troubles, she feels services for people in her circumstances are “lacking”.
“Why is there in Belfast only one bereavement service for peo- ple who fall outside those categories, and yet cannot have contact for six months, which can be a very long time for someone in grief ? Not everyone has family to turn to.”
Mrs Quigley said that while she waits until February she has no choice but to adopt a self-help approach in the meantime.
“I’ve read umpteen books from the library on grieving. It’s just not the same as sitting face-toface with a professional,” she explained.
Paul Finnegan, director of Cruse Bereavement Care in Northern Ireland, said the charity has witnessed an increase in referrals over the past few years which has led to the current wait for up to 11 weeks for its one-toone support services.
“We recognise this isn’t ideal and we’re working hard to reduce waiting times in Belfast and across Northern Ireland,” he explained.
“We are committed to supporting people who have been bereaved.
“All our services are free of charge and we are reliant on funding and donations to help us train and support our volunteers who deliver this valuable service.”
A spokesman for the Belfast Trust — which offered its sympathies to Mrs Quigley — explained that in the absence of an “inhouse bereavement counselling service”, individuals or families are directed to a range of external “support organisations depending on the circumstances of their bereavement”.
Stressing that it has no “influence” on waiting times operated by these third party organisations, the spokesman said the Trust also provides “support literature” on bereavement.
❝ I’ve spoken to others going through the grieving process and they’ve found the same thing with the waiting times. The alternative is to pay for a private counsellor which is £50. Not everyone has the money for that