Rediscovering life after the loss of a loved one
Losing a loved one or dealing with serious illness can affect a person s life in various profound ways. Judith Cole hears the stories of two lives transformed through the work of inspirational schemes
‘I was like a zombie after my wife died, but now I’m so busy that my children have to make an appointment to see me’
When Derrick Park’s wife died suddenly in 2015, his life came to a startling halt. Like many older people who’ve lost a loved one, the 80-year-old RAF veteran spent most days by himself, following the same old routine. Now, thanks to National Lottery-funded Newtownabbey Senior Citizens’ Forum, Derrick has found a new purpose in life and new friends to share it with.
“I come from Darlington originally and moved to Northern Ireland in 1956 with the RAF, stationed at Edenmore Whiteabbey. I was in the RAF for nine years and had a few postings around the world, but it was Whiteabbey that I ended settling down in. I worked in Aldergrove for a few years too, and Stormont,” says Derrick.
“A year after I moved to Northern Ireland, I met a girl, Margaret, and we got married three years later in 1960. We had four children, eight grandchildren and 54 wonderful years of marriage together until February 18, 2015.
“Margaret had a brain haemorrhage and died. It was a shock — I didn’t know what to do with myself.
“All I did was go out in the car every day, just like a zombie, like Groundhog Day — going for a run in the car, coming home, reading the paper, then going to bed.”
Derrick’s daughters were worried about him and decided to research some local clubs for him to get involved in. His youngest daughter, Una, came across Newtownabbey Senior Citizens’ Forum, which received almost £250,000 of National Lottery funding from Big Lottery Fund last year. The money is being used for the +Five-0 And On The Go project, which is reducing social isolation and improving health and wellbeing for people over the age of 50 in the Newtownabbey and Antrim area.
Robert McQuiston, who runs the group, invited Derrick to come along — and although Derrick needed an initial push to walk through the doors, he hasn’t looked back since.
“Coming to this club is com- panionship for a start — I was accepted straight away, and then naturally you make friends,” he says. “I’ve only missed two Tuesdays in the last two years. Great bunch of lads, good conversationalists, good laughter.
“We go on little trips together, somebody organises an activity or brings in a person to give us a talk. It’s interesting, it keeps your brain active and I would miss it if it was not here.
“I come to an art class on a Monday as well, which I’m not very good at, but I enjoy the craic. The lads do a spot of singing when we’re painting, and we have a good laugh about that, plus you get a free cup of tea!
“I like my trips away too. We were in the Punjana tea factory a while ago, we’ve been to muse- ums and I’ve been on day trips to Portrush, Ballycastle and Rathlin Island.”
Robert McQuiston, project co-ordinator for +Five-0 And On The Go, says: “This project is making a huge difference to the lives of older people in the area.
“We are also seeing that their families and friends, who may have had concerns about their health and wellbeing, are less anxious after seeing them socially and physically active, taking up new hobbies and meeting new friends. Many of the people taking part have also taken up leadership and voluntary roles. Being able to help others has given them a different perspective and shown them what they are capable of, so their self-esteem is improving too.”
Derrick has got his spark back being part of the lads at the club. He said he’s found a purpose in life again.
“Before, I was a bit too deep in my wife’s death and every day was the same, but the lads here have lifted me,” he adds.
“I really look forward to getting up, getting out and coming here. The main thing is, its company and once you’ve got company you can tell your ails to somebody else and they might put you on the right track. I feel very lucky.
“My daughters say they have noticed the difference in me too. They were worried about me, I think, but now my children have to make an appointment to see me and they say my life is far better than theirs.”