Holmes accuses Meghan of having an ‘uppity attitude’
The first months of parenthood are for hibernation — unless you’re the Duchess of Sussex. As her British Vogue makes global news, Jean Hannah Edelstein salutes a woman doing it her way, and asks why Americans do it differently
EAMONN Holmes has criticised Meghan Markle over her “uppity attitude” in response to her continuous calls for privacy.
Presenter Eamonn and wife Ruth Langsford debated with Canadian journalist Lainey Lui on This Morning earlier this week.
They discussed claims the former actress is making “unjustified restrictions” around her private life.
Eamonn said Meghan (right) “started off so well”, but now things have taken a downward spiral after “all these seeming restrictions came on board”.
The TV presenter asked Lui if she would offer the Duchess of Sussex some PR advice.
The reporter defended her, asking why Meghan was taking 80% of the criticism, claiming that the “lion share” was falling solely on her.
Eamonn said: “If you have an uppity attitude, you’re only through the door two minutes and suddenly you’re sitting at Wimbledon and your royal protection is saying no photographs, you would be writing they’re right up their own backside.” When asked if Lainey Lui had met Meghan, she said yes and that she thought the 37-yearold was “really nice” and that they had a 15-minute conversation about her dog.
In response, Mr Holmes said: “It’s all changed — you don’t get to know the name of the dogs any more.” Harry and Meghan continue to be criticised for failing to share information about their private lives including the name of their new pet dog, the names of Archie’s godparents, not broadcasting their son’s christening, restrictions around photos at Wimbledon, and her decision to guest-edit British Vogue.
When she was five months pregnant, the Duchess of Sussex began working on what a source calls another “project of passion”. She started guest-editing the September issue of British Vogue, the magazine’s most important edition of the year. The cover, released yesterday, is a celebration of female changemakers, with 15 women who have broken barriers pictured. The duchess was a hands-on editor throughout her pregnancy and it was a collaborative process. Prince Harry chipped in, interviewing ethologist and primatologist, Dr Jane Goodall, for the issue.
The duchess is officially on maternity leave for six months, until October. It meant she was exempt from meeting Donald Trump.
But apart from that, she hasn’t retreated from the public eye since giving birth in May. She cheered on friend Serena Williams at Wimbledon last month (and congratulated Simona Halep on her victory over Williams in the final), she was at the Lion King premiere, hugging Beyonce, and she took baby Archie to the polo with his cousins and the Duchess of Cambridge.
Kate also had six months’ maternity leave for Prince Louis, but less time for Prince George and Princess Charlotte. To many British people, it sounds like both Meghan and Kate haven’t had a break — but to most women from Meghan’s homeland, it sounds incredible.
I’m not married to a prince, but compared with most new mothers in the US, I write from a perspective of huge privilege: I work for a company that offers all employees who are new parents, regardless of sex, the option of taking up to six months of fully paid parental leave. When I tell this to my British friends who are mothers, some raise their eyebrows. While the full pay I get is a great deal compared to what many of them have received, to them it sounds like I’m going back a bit soon — they’ve had the option of staying out of work for up to a year, albeit often with some of that time without pay. Can I work part-time, they wonder? I can’t: even if we could afford the loss of income, I’d lose my
health insurance if I didn’t have a full-time job.
However, when I tell my American friends who are mothers about my situation, I feel sheepish and apologetic. In our country, six months of paid leave is almost unheard of — a wild luxury. New mothers I know don’t even complain much about how short their leave is, because they have little expectation of anything better. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not a struggle.
Maternity leave is a mess in the US: there’s no national law that grants working women guaranteed paid time off when they have a baby. The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) does guarantee that people can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in the case of an ill family member or the birth of a child, but even here, there are loopholes: you have to work for a company that employs 50 people or more, and you must have been employed there for at least a year. You get only 12 weeks a year, so if you have a baby and an ill family member in the same year, too bad.
Women in some states have it better than others: New York, where I live, recently brought in a law that does offer some paid parental leave, up to just under $750 (about £617 at current exchange rates) a week depending on your income, for 10 weeks (it will be 12 by next year). California, Rhode Island, Massachusetts and New Jersey also offer paid leave for a handful of weeks — but if you live in the rest of the 45 states, you’re at the whims of your employers. They also decide if you can keep your job if you need more leave. Occasionally employers will let employees take more time without pay, but for many it’s not an option. You go back to work at the end of FMLA or you don’t have a job to go to.
No doubt that’s why less than half of American women who are mothers take paid leave. No doubt it’s also why 12 per cent of American women who become mothers return to work within two weeks of giving birth. Presumably because they can’t afford to take three months off work with no pay.
There are ways to hack the system if your job doesn’t offer paid leave: if they can plan ahead, some women save their holiday and sick days for years, so that they have more time to take when they have a baby. Jenny (40) was able to do four and half months’ paid leave from her government job by storing up her various entitlements over time. “I would not have wanted a longer maternity leave than the four and a half months I took,” she says. “But I knew moms who were back to work after eight weeks and had C-sections. That’s just not prudent.”
Depending on which state you live in, you can be eligible for short-term disability pay when you have a baby, even though having a baby is ... not a disability. The money you are entitled to varies from state to state. In New York State, the maximum weekly disability payment is $170 (£140). In Brooklyn, where I live, the average monthly rent for a one-bedroom apartment is $2,695 (£2,216).
In Manhattan, it’s about $1,000 more.
Right now, I’m in the fourth month of my leave; most women with babies the same age as mine have been back to work for a while. On one hand, this is not as difficult as it may sound as there are plenty of caregivers that cater to babies this small. On the other hand, good facilities are hard to find, with long waiting lists, and their cost is exorbitant: an average of $1,230 (£1,011) a month across the United States, with costs much higher in cities such as New York.
Leaving children in care when they’re that little is far from relaxing; mothers murmur among themselves about terrible incidents, such as a tragic 2015 case when three-month-old Karl Towndrow died on his first day in care (his mother, Amber Scorah, became a prominent activist for paid parental leave). While these cases are rare, many new mothers struggle with leaving such young children in the care of others. Those who can rely on family are grateful. “My mother-in-law is nearby and retired early. We still paid about $15,000 a year for the childcare she couldn’t provide, but with trusted neighbours. We’re not typical, having that support system,” says Maura, who lives on the East Coast.
Then there’s the issue of feeding. Feeding your baby breastmilk or formula is a personal choice that must take both the wellbeing of mother and baby into account. But the choice to breastfeed is often taken away for mothers, who have to return to work on the typical American schedule. I chose to breastfeed my son and it was a struggle for the first two months of his life; had I been planning to return to work a month after that, I doubt that I would have persevered.
While many companies purport to support breastfeeding mothers through providing pumping rooms — indeed, at the start of 2019 a law was passed in New York State to require this of employers — the reality is that mothers who want to continue to breastfeed often struggle to balance the demands of feeding their babies with work.
“I rushed [my son] to formula because I was so anxious about pumping at work,” says Liza (31), who benefited from four months of paid leave, but found it wasn’t enough. “At four months, I was still in such a fog,” she says. “Jumping right back into work and people just expecting you to be at the same level as you were before was so hard.” A lack of support from colleagues can get in the way of pumping, especially if they don’t respect it should be a priority. “I tried to reduce the number of sessions as much as possible,” one woman told me.
While the FMLA is meant to ensure women have their jobs to return to, this is not always the case. Maura lost her job when hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness) caused her to burn through her FMLA leave and her employer couldn’t accommodate her health, despite her excellent performance. “My boss said, ‘Do you really throw up... Every day?’ with disbelief.”
When Meghan goes back to work, she’s expected to take up humanitarian causes with a focus on women. I hope this might include using her influence to improve the lot of mothers in her home country.
Jumping right back into work and people expecting you to be the same is so hard