‘I didn’t speak to anyone for a year ... but to be given a second chance of happiness is just unbelievable’
John Caulfield (62) and his late wife Eileen were inseparable from the moment they met. Even though there was an age gap of over 20 years between them, their relationship was so special that even strangers commented on how happy they were.
When John lost Eileen to dementia in 2013 after 27 years together he was inconsolable.
He couldn’t bear to be alone in their home where he nursed her for the last eight years of her life and spent his days walking the streets of Belfast until he was exhausted.
He says: “From the first moment we met in a local pub we were inseparable. I don’t think from that first night we spent more than a couple of hours apart.
“I worked as a TV repair man at the time and Eileen even came with me to my work.
“People used to comment that you never saw one of us without the other. We were soulmates.
“I was in my 20s when I met Eileen and she was in her 40s, but the age gap never mattered. We were so much in love that I remember once we were in Blackpool sitting on a wall and two ladies came over and handed us ice creams. They were complete strangers and said that we looked so happy together they wanted to share ice cream with us.”
John faced a tough eight years as Eileen’s sole carer after she was tragically diagnosed with dementia.
When she passed away on June 13, 2013, his heart was broken and for the next year he isolated himself as he tried to cope with his grief.
He says: “I didn’t speak to anyone for a full year and I couldn’t stand being in the house without Eileen so I walked the streets all day until I was too tired to walk anymore. I was afraid to be in my own home, I couldn’t bear the silence and there was just this great void of emptiness.”
It was while on one of his daily walks — almost a year to the day of Eileen’s death — he passed the Ulster Hall and noticed an event was taking place by a friendship group from the bereavement charity Cruse.
Somehow he plucked up the courage to go inside and was invited to attend their monthly meetings. He was very reluctant but went along to the next meeting where he found himself opening up for the first time about his grief.
He says: “A lady came over to me with a cup of tea and started talking and it was the first time I had talked to anyone about Eileen. There were so many tears but I felt so much better for having talked about it.”
John then faced a tough year when he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in late 2016. He went through surgery and chemotherapy in 2017 and made a full recovery.
He had missed meetings at the bereavement friendship group and when he returned he was immediately struck by a new member in the room. He says: “I had never believed I could ever find love again after Eileen and at my age I wasn’t even looking for it.
“When I returned to the group after my cancer treatment this lovely lady with dark hair had joined.
“When I saw Lorraine for the first time something just passed between us and I had a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. She had just lost her mum to Alzheimer’s and had also been her carer for many years.”
It was some weeks before John plucked up the courage to ask Lorraine for their first date in October 2017.
The couple clicked immediately and in January 2018 John proposed and the couple married in June of this year.
He says: “I believed we had been brought together and that love had found us when neither of us were looking for it.
“I had one great relationship and I really didn’t think I could get that again but it has happened.
“Everyone deserves happiness and, no matter what, we both carry our loss with us and always will.
“I can talk to Lorraine about Eileen and she talks to me about the loss of her mum and that loss is now shared, so the weight of it is lighter.
“To be given a second chance of happiness is just unbelievable and every day I can’t believe how happy I am.”
For information about the Cruse friendship groups for over 60s visit www.cruse.org.uk