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An expert on the psychology of language advises parents on the right tone and words to use to motivate their children to cooperate
QWhen I tell my 15-yearold son to do his homework he often ignores me or does something completely different. As this is his GCSE year, he really needs to do more work — is there a better way for me to speak to him about completing it?
AProfessor Silke Paulmann, a psychologist from the University of Essex, has co-authored a study into how adolescents aged 14-15 respond to their mother’s tone of voice when receiving instructions.
She says: “Getting children to engage with their schoolwork is a common challenge and there are many ways parents use verbal communications to motivate their child.
“While several studies have explored how a parent’s choice of words may impact upon their child’s behaviour, very little research has focused on the role a parent’s tone of voice plays in motivating their child.
“In an ideal world, you’d motivate your son to complete his schoolwork by appealing to his natural desire to experience choice and psychological freedom in his thinking and acting. That is, you adopt a supportive, motivating style in which you aim to build in choice or, in cases where this isn’t possible, offer a meaningful rationale. Crucially, avoid creating a controlling motivating climate.
“Our research also suggests parents can use a specific voice pattern when supporting independence: speaking in a soft tone, using a moderate volume and speaking at a slow rate. In contrast, speaking with a loud and rough-sounding voice at a fast speech rate is more easily perceived as pressuring.
“At Cardiff University and the University of Essex we conducted a study with 14-15-year-olds who listened to identical messages delivered by mothers in either a controlling, supportive or neutral tone of voice. Results showed the teens who listened to motivational statements in a controlling tone responded in undesirable ways, whereas those who listened to supportive tones were more likely to cooperate.
“The overriding message is that, if parents want conversations with their teens to have the most benefit, it’s important to use a supportive style of communication. Relying too much on controlling styles may lead to your teen rebelling against you.”