‘Reaching out’s not easy but I’m spending the holidays this year with some wonderful friends’
With the festive season largely focused on social gatherings, it can be a particularly difficult time for those who are alone, or are isolated through caring for relatives. Claire O’Boyle asks three NI people how they get through this testing time of year
NICK Menhinick (74) is originally from London and lived across the world before moving to Belfast 12 years ago. After social isolation and struggles with his mental health left him spending Christmas Day with the Salvation Army in 2007, he has found a new lease of life through involvement with a number of groups for senior citizens in the city, including the charity Engage with Age. Nick says:
Ihave always had quite an interesting life. I was born in London and moved around a bit as a child, spending many years at boarding school. I lived in South Africa for many years as an adult, and eventually moved back to England before coming to the Republic of Ireland and finally to Belfast 12 years ago.
But when I came to Belfast I found it quite difficult to settle. It was different from how it had been in my younger days and I struggled to put down roots. Quite quickly, I found myself struggling.
I really didn’t have a network here, and by Christmas of 2007 I spent the day with the Salvation Army. It was somewhere I had never imagined I’d be. It was a major wake-up call, and it’s like they say, when you hit the bottom, the only way is up.
Eventually, with lots of support and a bit of luck, I managed to find some housing. I got into a place in South Belfast which I love. It’s semi-sheltered accommodation which a lot of older people go for, as well as some people with mobility issues. It means you’re living independently but if you need support, you’ll be able to get help.
Being isolated like that was a difficult period of my life. You hear stories of people who won’t see people for weeks at a time, and it is the reality.
You’ll get people who feel so alone they’ll hide away even more, and they won’t want to be contacted. Isolation just feeds into itself, it all feeds into those depressed feelings of being lonesome and destitute. It’s hard to break out of.
But I’ve always been a resourceful person myself and when I got back on my feet I sought out these groups to find a bit of company for myself and I’ve made some wonderful friends.
I’m now vice chair of the Greater Belfast Senior Forum, and chairman of the South Belfast Lifestyle Forum, which is a senior citizens’ group. I also work with Engage with Age and Volunteer Now, and it has honestly got me my life back.
I’m involved with the Engage with Age PAL programme — People Addressing Loneliness — and I help out with its Slipped Disco events. They’re absolutely fantastic, it’s a whole group of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s rocking the night away to great tunes from our youth and it’s such amazing fun. We have another one coming up in January.
Once you’ve made the first step, these things are very welcoming and not at all intimidating.
“But while it’s all very well us talking to like-minded people about how beneficial it can be, it’s the people who don’t know we’re here that need it the most. After the difficult years I had, it’s meant everything.
This Christmas I’m going to Ballymena to spend the day with some wonderful friends, before going to see more friends across in Stoke. It’s not easy to reach out and get yourself out there, but it’s transformative when you do it.”