‘For the first few days I didn’t open the blinds, I hibernated ... but then I set myself rules’ EMILIA BAYLISS Borderline personality disorder
Student Emilia Bayliss (22), who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, was about to sit her final exams. She lives in Lisburn with her partner David (24), who studies IT.
“When I was very young, about 13 or 14, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I’ve since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I still have anxiety and depression but it’s more of a symptom than an actual disease,” Emilia says.
“Before lockdown I found being able to get out to a park or the quarry near my house for a walk was good for my mental health, but unfortunately that is not quite as available during lockdown.
“Another thing that was very beneficial was that if I was having a down day, my partner and I would go out and take some photographs because I love to model and he loves to take photos.
“But since the lockdown I’ve had to very much internalise a lot. I was lucky I had enough savings to buy a new video game which I have been playing quite a bit.”
But lockdown has had an effect, she says, admitting she has been sleeping more than normal.
❝ Wearequitelucky, my partner and I lived together before this and got along well
“For the first few days I didn’t open the blinds really — I kind of hibernated myself and when I finally got outside to do a shop it was a bit shocking,” she says.
“I’m making more effort now to keep the blinds open and have a more strict routine. I’m really into planning for the future — places I would like to visit and holidays even in two or three years time. It encourages me to look to the future.
“It has helped. I still have days which are more difficult than others but I think everybody is struggling in lockdown.”
Emilia says one of the first rules she made for herself was that she would reduce the amount of time spent looking at information about coronavirus online. A family member was diagnosed with Covid-19 and she found herself obsessively combing the internet for information.
Now her relative is doing better and Emilia has restricted herself to looking up Covid-19 once in the morning and once at night: “You have to set rules for yourself.”
“We are quite lucky because my partner and I had lived together for a while before this and we got along well. I’m trying to give him his own space to do his own things and get a routine that will work for us without forcing him into it,” she says.
Emilia says there is some solidarity in knowing it’s a worldwide phenomenon.
She has a mental health page on her Instagram, @emiliavslife, which connects with people in other countries, and says the outbreak appears to be having a worldwide impact on mental health.
Emilia has been going to weekly private sessions with psychoanalyst Professor Dr. Melania Anna Duca Canavan for a number of months and is still able to avail of those sessions remotely.
She says she is lucky to be able to afford to go to Melania for help. Originally, when she told the GP she had a history of mental health problems, she was told there was a two-year waiting list for support.
“If I had not been to Melania I would be in a much worse position and I would be struggling a lot more than I am,” she says.