‘I see it as an opportunity to look after myself, rather than wallowing in the depths of despair’
Homelessness hostel support worker Stephen Donnan (31) lives with depression and anxiety and is working towards qualifying as a counsellor and psychotherapist. He lives on the Shankill estate in Belfast with his husband William.
“I’ve lived with depression and anxiety since I was about 16 and it’s been ongoing since then,” he says.
“There are periods when I’ve had really good mental health — and that could be years — and periods when I have poor mental health.”
Stephen takes anxiety medication and also finds that going to a personal trainer twice a week boosts his mental health.
“Meeting with friends, writing, going for dinner with friends, drinks, coffee — I am not somebody who handles being on my own very well. I’m a social creature and if I’m feeling anxious, I feel better in the company of friends who understand,” he says.
“If I’m feeling a bit low, I usually call a friend and arrange a time to meet and hang out or do something — it’s proximity to another person that isn’t a colleague or my husband. I don’t like always burdening him with how I’m feeling. While he’s very supportive, it shouldn’t just be on him.”
Stephen says that at the start of lockdown he was proactive at maintaining a semblance of normality and is lucky to still be going out to work.
However, the hostel where he works has been segregated to curb the spread of infection and the support work has been scaled back: “I’m trying to be useful to my clients in a different way.”
Many of his coping mechanisms have been curbed by lockdown.
“I really enjoyed the personal training I did every two days, but the gym has closed so I don’t have that outlet to vent off some steam,” Stephen says.
“It has been hard trying to develop new ways of coping and it hasn’t always been easy.
I’m trying to connect with people in a different way — I’m lucky we live in an age where distance isn’t an issue and you can talk to friends and family on Whatsapp or Facebook.”
One of the signs of a dip in mental health, he says, is withdrawing from people and not telling them how he is doing.
“I’m trying to be honest with people when they ask how I am and to do things that don’t involve social media and the news — and that is very difficult because I like to tweet,” he says.
Trying to stay away from watching too much news and do simple things like read, listen to music or watch comedy can distract from the anxiety, Stephen says. But he feels he was a little naive about the long-term impact of lockdown.
“Because I am an anxious person, I was prepared for lockdown — I had all the things in terms of food and supplies and I was pragmatic in terms of the worst case scenario,” he says.
“But as the days go on and it becomes the new normal it’s very worrying. I was in a good place where I had a good support network around me but I worry about people who don’t,” he says.
Stephen says that it’s jarring that despite being in a good place mentally, lockdown is forcing him to act in the way he would if he was having a dip.
However, as part of his counselling training he put together a personal wellness recovery action plan which helps him recognise the signs of a mental health dip and counteract it.
“Most of the strategies on my wellness recovery plan involved leaving the house and interacting with other people. There are things that are still in there, but it’s given me the opportunity to think of other things that will help. I have the opportunity to look after myself and it gives me a project to work on rather than wallowing in the depths of despair,” he says.
Stephen says it keeps him up at night wondering how he is going to look after his clients.
“More people have died from suicide than from Covid-19 here since the start of the year,” he says. “There is a pandemic happening at the minute and people are worried about staying indoors.
“But there’s going to be a public health emergency building underneath us and that is mental health — people are getting socially isolated and aren’t able to access services and resources to help themselves. The next thing will be a wave of suicides because it will be very difficult for people to go back to normal after this. Are we prepared for it when that happens?”