We didn’t breach rules during our own suffering, that is why no apology will ever be acceptable
DAYS into lockdown, learning my mother’s illness was now moving into palliative care, I moved into her home — a fold on the Andersonstown Road in Belfast.
With the help of district nursing and Prime Care, we ensured her last few weeks would be pain-free and helped fulfil her wish to die at home.
The phrase “lockdown” was still in its infancy, but the consequences were soon to become clear.
No rotation of family members. No help with the 24/7 care she now so desperately needed. No crossing the threshold of the fold. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No friends or family visiting. No loving words of comfort from her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. No sweet stories full of memories from her dear friends and neighbours. No chats with old NHS colleagues, who thought so highly of her. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No final goodbyes from her son, now residing in America, or grandson, marooned in the Far East. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No final kisses. No loving words. No hugs. No final cuddles. All denied. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No body returned to the family. No wake to aid our grief. No intimate service. Her simple wishes denied. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No accompanying her on her final journey. No family permitted by her side. No coffin “lifts”. No consoling. No touching. Mourners step aside. No breaching the Covid-19 rules. No entry at her final destination, Roselawn. No children watching the coffin descend to its inevitable pyre amid the depths of the crematorium. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
No access to the cemetery to bury ashes. Visits, days later, still refused. No rituals allowed. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
We were compliant. We were told we would be saving lives. No breaching the Covid-19 rules.
We can never turn back the clock. We can never give our mother the send-off she so richly deserved.
No apology will ever be acceptable.
ALLISON CORDNER Holywood, Co Down