Home schooling ‘biggest cause of family stress’

HOME schooling was a greater cause of conflict and stress in families across Northern Ireland than social isolation, a mental health expert has said.

Kerry Mcwilliams, the founder of Lightwork NI, a charity that has provided more than 100 sessions of direct support to families over the past two months, said the crossover between school and family life was a major issue for many of the people she has worked with throughout the pandemic.

Kerry said they have found that while children were largely able to keep in touch with the outside world and their peers through the likes of social media, many were uncomfortable being taught by their parents.

And she said the stresses experienced by some groups of parents, such as key workers or those who had lost their income, made it more difficult for adults to support their children effectively.

“Home schooling was a cause of significant conflict and distress,” she said.

“Parents told us they found it very difficult to get children to do the work; children told us they were afraid of being found out.

“One nine-year-old boy told me, ‘I don’t want to do school work with my parents because they think I’m really smart and they’re going to find out I’m not — I get good marks because I cheat and copy and when they see I can’t do the work they’re going to know’.

“This was a common fear for children — a sense of discomfort as school invaded their homes and family relationships. Most children like to keep school and home separate.

“Parents felt exposed and vulnerable as they were unable to understand or support their children’s learning.

“Many couldn’t access ICT equipment or provide internet access for multiple children and this led to frustration.”

She continued: “We have lived through a global pandemic, a moment in history unprecedented in modern society. Families I have worked with have all moved through paralysing fear, powerlessness and panic.

“They have taken a fresh look at what makes them happy, what is worth fighting for — we all realised it’s not toilet roll — and how far they have sleepwalked into a life they wouldn’t have consciously chosen, and don’t really want to go back to.

“I believe the legacy and consequences of lockdown will be significant for everyone both in the immediate future and for many years to come.”

She said there are a number of steps parents can take in the coming weeks and months to ensure their children cope with the return to school, including drawing upon the relationships that were built during lockdown and ensuring children’s voices are heard.

She also recommended putting in place routines and precautions to ensure everyone feels safe: “Then you can stop worrying. Our worries communicate to children — when you feel confident and optimistic, they will too.”