Like Suez skipper, EU will need all hands on deck to avoid Vaxit

AMONG those for whom this hasn’t been the best of weeks is the poor guy who got his big boat stuck in the Suez Canal. It could happen to any of us.

Rarely have I read a story about complex maritime manoeuvring and thought to myself: “I could do that.”

Captain Whatever His Name Is has, albeit unwittingly, struck a blow for all those of us who, not since the day we did our driving test, have managed to execute a three-point turn in anything like single figures.

The good captain is blaming a sandstorm for his corking of the canal. Yet, no other vessel has managed to end up so spectacularly jammed.

To make matters even more humiliating, the tracking map of the ship’s progress bears an unfortunate resemblance to male genitalia.

Still. You have to feel for the man in charge. Especially in that horrible, final moment when he will have had to concede to himself — and confess to his bosses — “We’re sort of stuck.”

Which brings us to that other leviathan which has similarly managed to wedge itself between a rock and a hard place in recent days. The EU.

Having shifted position over and over again around Astrazeneca safety and supply, it has finally been accepted this week that, in the words of First Officer Emmanuel Macron: “We didn’t go fast enough or strong enough.”

The unfortunate captain of the Ever Given would doubtless empathise there. The EU’S handling of vaccine rollout has been woeful. The UK’S, thus far anyway, much more successful.

Post-brexit, this has not been a good look for the EU — and EU bosses know it.

So, they’ve done what people often do when they fear themselves running aground — they’ve continued to steer for the rocks, blaming everybody but themselves.

Belatedly, some leaders now seem to be acknowledging they got it wrong. But the good ship European Union is definitely listing a bit on account of this self-inflicted damage.

One of the interesting things I’ve noticed this week is the number of articles by commentators saying that, while they voted Remain in the referendum, the EU’S handling of the vaccine crisis and, in particular, the politicking, has led them to think again.

“Buyer’s regret,” one writer called it.

By turning Brexit into Vaxit, the EU have alienated at least some pro-eu voters.

This is no small thing, because, pre-covid, the debate over Brexit was utterly anchored in The Sea of Intransigence. You were on one side or the other and nobody anywhere was giving way.

I voted to stay in the EU (and would still be of the Remain persuasion), but I think like a lot of people, having been initially disappointed in the result, I eventually got over it. It was always inevitable, of course, that EU bosses would want to make things as awkward as possible for the departing UK.

They needed to dissuade other wavering EU member states from thinking of pulling the same trick. They needed a post-brexit UK to look like a right shambles.

Post-vaxit, it’s the other way around. And they’ve manoeuvred themselves into this position, not primarily by failure to source sufficient vaccine supply, but by the infantile blame game they then engaged in.

Trying to score political points over a life-saving medication, of all things, does not commend you, even to those who’ve been on your side. The UK Government, however, could also do with toning down the smugness in some quarters. Starting with Matt Hancock.

All round, there’s a lot to be said for a Suez-style solution.

Just admit it when you’re in a jam — and then agree that it’s going to take all hands working together to turn the thing around.

‘The good ship European Union is listing a bit’