BY THE time you read this, Operation Transformation will have commenced in our house! The biggest clean up ever to be undertaken in our humble and permanently manky abode will have begun and I, armed with mops, buckets, pledge and rubber gloves will be scrubbing the bejaysus out of every nook and cranny in readiness for the impending Holy Communion.
You don't really see dirt when you're living in it every day especially when you have children. You become immune to the mud they trail in, the bits of mouldy fish finger you find under the couch, the sticky unmentionable substances you find on the arms of chairs. Others are not so accepting of ribena stains or chocolately finger prints on their clothes so I do always warn visitors to look before they sit because there could be anything on our furniture!
But I had a strange sort of epiphany in the loo the other day! I looked up and was mortified to see the light fixture covered in dust and cobwebs. Then I looked down and saw the same with the skirting boards. I thought to myself, ‘ when was the last time you cleaned them?’ and then I realised -NEVER!
I'm not a skirting board cleaning sort of girl! I don't dust, polish or shine. It just wouldn't occur to me. I wash, cook, clean and iron. Isn't that enough? I normally abide by the theory that you mightn't be able to eat your dinner off the floor in our house but I'd always have a clean plate to give you!
But with roughly fifty friends and family descending upon us for the Youngest's Big Day, it occurred to me that I was going to have to have a major clean up that would require serious elbow grease.
SO INSTEAD of an Easter Egg I've asked Himself for a skip for Easter! The other theory I abide by is if you have to do a big clean up, just feck everything out in the bin, then you won't have as much to tidy! I've decided to send the Youngest to Easter Camp so I can throw out all the toys they've grown out of when she's not around!
As well as cleaning, I've suggested we paint the playroom because at present there is not one inch of wall that hasn't been defaced with either stickers or crayons. Well when I say ‘we’ I really mean ‘Himself ’ but as I told him, if he paints on Good Friday he won't have to do the stations of the cross, this can be his penance instead!
The children have been issued with a dire warning, that once the house has been cleaned, it has to stay that way until after the communion. Then they can do what they like.
‘ That means no eating in the playroom, no throwing things on the floor, no peeing on the bathroom floor, no smelly sports gear dumped in the hall, absolutely no writing on the walls, no feet up on the couch in the living room, in fact don't even come into the living room! If you want us just shout from the doorway.’
The Eldest rolls his eyes, his new favourite pastime. ‘Why don't you get us to move out all together. We could go and live with Granny and Grandad until it's all over?’ he says sarcastically. ‘ That is a great idea!’ I reply. And I'm not even joking!