Jus­tine

Bray People - - NEWS - Jus­tine

BY THE time you read this, Oper­a­tion Trans­for­ma­tion will have com­menced in our house! The big­gest clean up ever to be un­der­taken in our hum­ble and per­ma­nently manky abode will have be­gun and I, armed with mops, buck­ets, pledge and rub­ber gloves will be scrub­bing the be­jay­sus out of ev­ery nook and cranny in readi­ness for the im­pend­ing Holy Com­mu­nion.

You don't re­ally see dirt when you're liv­ing in it ev­ery day es­pe­cially when you have chil­dren. You be­come im­mune to the mud they trail in, the bits of mouldy fish fin­ger you find un­der the couch, the sticky un­men­tion­able sub­stances you find on the arms of chairs. Oth­ers are not so ac­cept­ing of ribena stains or chocolately fin­ger prints on their clothes so I do al­ways warn vis­i­tors to look be­fore they sit be­cause there could be any­thing on our fur­ni­ture!

But I had a strange sort of epiphany in the loo the other day! I looked up and was mor­ti­fied to see the light fix­ture cov­ered in dust and cob­webs. Then I looked down and saw the same with the skirt­ing boards. I thought to my­self, ‘ when was the last time you cleaned them?’ and then I re­alised -NEVER!

I'm not a skirt­ing board clean­ing sort of girl! I don't dust, pol­ish or shine. It just wouldn't oc­cur to me. I wash, cook, clean and iron. Isn't that enough? I nor­mally abide by the the­ory that you mightn't be able to eat your din­ner off the floor in our house but I'd al­ways have a clean plate to give you!

But with roughly fifty friends and fam­ily de­scend­ing upon us for the Youngest's Big Day, it oc­curred to me that I was go­ing to have to have a ma­jor clean up that would re­quire se­ri­ous el­bow grease.

SO IN­STEAD of an Easter Egg I've asked Him­self for a skip for Easter! The other the­ory I abide by is if you have to do a big clean up, just feck ev­ery­thing out in the bin, then you won't have as much to tidy! I've de­cided to send the Youngest to Easter Camp so I can throw out all the toys they've grown out of when she's not around!

As well as clean­ing, I've sug­gested we paint the play­room be­cause at present there is not one inch of wall that hasn't been de­faced with ei­ther stick­ers or crayons. Well when I say ‘we’ I re­ally mean ‘Him­self ’ but as I told him, if he paints on Good Fri­day he won't have to do the sta­tions of the cross, this can be his penance in­stead!

The chil­dren have been is­sued with a dire warn­ing, that once the house has been cleaned, it has to stay that way un­til af­ter the com­mu­nion. Then they can do what they like.

‘ That means no eat­ing in the play­room, no throw­ing things on the floor, no pee­ing on the bath­room floor, no smelly sports gear dumped in the hall, ab­so­lutely no writ­ing on the walls, no feet up on the couch in the liv­ing room, in fact don't even come into the liv­ing room! If you want us just shout from the door­way.’

The El­dest rolls his eyes, his new favourite pas­time. ‘Why don't you get us to move out all to­gether. We could go and live with Granny and Gran­dad un­til it's all over?’ he says sar­cas­ti­cally. ‘ That is a great idea!’ I re­ply. And I'm not even jok­ing!

Y n o h a M ’ O

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