Re­al­i­sa­tion dawns that this may be our last big fam­ily hol­i­day to­gether

Bray People - - NEWS - Ny o h a M ’ O

I flew back from hol­i­days think­ing Michael O’Leary should prob­a­bly start weigh­ing pas­sen­gers in­stead of bag­gage. He’d make far more money. I packed on at least half a stone in the three weeks I was away. Can you imag­ine if ev­ery­one on the plane did the same? He’d make a bloody for­tune!

The kids have started call­ing me ‘squidgy’ with The Youngest pro­claim­ing that her favourite part of my body was my bingo wings, ‘ be­cause they’re so soft and squishy!’

So af­ter 21 days of to­tal and ut­ter over in­dul­gence, there’s a seat with my name on it at my lo­cal Slim­ming World. Bring on the Muller Light. I can guar­an­tee I will last ap­prox­i­mately a week and lose 1lb. There is a pat­tern to this be­hav­iour. It’s called hav­ing no willpower.

On a pos­i­tive note we are still talk­ing to each other af­ter spend­ing three weeks, 24/7 in each other’s com­pany. There were no ma­jor rows al­though I did get slightly miffed when the 15-year-old start­ing count­ing my gin and tonic con­sump­tion. You’d think he’d know an adult’s al­co­hol in­take is al­lowed be end­less on hol­i­days.

He on the other hand de­cided three weeks was way too long to be spend­ing with one’s par­ents and maybe next year he might just come for one week. His pa­tience wore ex­tremely thin when my­self and Him­self failed to grasp the con­cept of

Snapchat streaks, (can any­one en­lighten me?) and he re­fused to post what I con­sid­ered a de­cent photo.

‘Why are you tak­ing pic­tures of the cor­ner of your head and the floor?’

I asked him. He ex­plained it was a streak and when

I asked him what the pur­pose of it was he in­formed me it was to snap some­one ev­ery­day for as many days as you can.

‘Why would you send some­one a pic­ture of one of your eyes though? Why not send them a nice photo of you. Or bet­ter still take one of me!!’ I was never one to shy away from the cam­era.

He looked at me in hor­ror, shrugged his shoul­ders and went back to his phone, tap­ping away and ig­nor­ing us.

That’s when I knew we’d lost him! This was more than likely our last fam­ily hol­i­day to­gether. The truth of the mat­ter is we sort of bore him and no mat­ter how hard we try to en­ter­tain him or make him laugh, he’d much rather spend time with his friends.

It’s a hard pill to swal­low, know­ing your own child no longer finds you witty and fas­ci­nat­ing. I’m not sure he ever did but it was a hell of a lot eas­ier to im­press him when he was seven. There’ll be no more trips to the Aqua Park, no more games of cards on the bal­cony at night, no more Lucky Lucky men call­ing him Del Boy while he tries to stop me buy­ing fake hand­bags. Next year he says he might stay at home with our friends and hang out with the gang.

Still, at least he won’t be there to count my gin and ton­ics. Ev­ery cloud!

IT’S A HARD PILL TO SWAL­LOW, KNOW­ING YOUR OWN CHILD NO LONGER FINDS YOU FAS­CI­NAT­ING, THOUGH I’M NOT SURE HE EVER DID

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