Don’t let fear dom­i­nate your life

Bray People - - LIFESTYLE - CALODAGH MCCUMISKEY’S Well­be­ing & Med­i­ta­tion Calodagh McCumiskey teaches med­i­ta­tion and yoga. She of­fers busi­ness well­be­ing pro­grammes for busi­nesses and weekly med­i­ta­tion classes in Wex­ford and Water­ford 087 1335230 | info@spir­i­tualearth.ie | www.spir­itu

We all ex­pe­ri­ence fear. Fear is part of our sur­vival mech­a­nism. So are in­se­cu­rity, anx­i­ety and ul­ti­mately stress. They are all parts of our in­ter­nal early warn­ing sys­tem – to show that some­thing is not quite right – In our think­ing, in how we are see­ing things or re­lated to the ac­tions we have taken or are about to take, in how we are con­nect­ing with oth­ers or who we are con­nect­ing with or in our en­vi­ron­ment …. some­thing is not quite right.

Fear never leaves us. It is all in how we tem­per it. If a warn­ing light comes on in the car do you look to ad­dress the prob­lem it is re­veal­ing or do you ig­nore it? If you panic about it, you may drive badly and cause even big­ger prob­lems. If you al­low it to take you over, you be­come a li­a­bil­ity to your­self and the sit­u­a­tion. If you ig­nore it, the car will break down at some point – with po­ten­tially worse con­se­quences. If you look at it and ad­dress the un­der­ly­ing is­sue that is caus­ing it, then it solves. It is sim­i­lar for us.

When fear comes, the most im­por­tant thing is to name it … and as­sess why it is there. ad­dress it to the ex­tent you can …. and then move on. There is fire in fear. There are in­sights in fear. There is great learn­ing in our fear.

Fear is part of life and part of liv­ing. When we avoid it, we are avoid­ing life and liv­ing. Stay­ing in com­fort zones is not the an­swer as this just in­creases the num­ber of things that bring up fear and am­pli­fies it ul­ti­mately. Avoid­ance is a tem­po­rary dis­trac­tion and a post­pone­ment of the in­evitable. We are also weak­en­ing our­selves in our own minds and un­der­min­ing our con­fi­dence when we do this. As some­how, we are say­ing that this is­sue is big­ger than me. We are negat­ing our own power.

A line I love: ‘Com­fort doth make cow­ards of us all’ (a re­work­ing of a line from Ham­let ‘Con­science doth make cow­ards of us all’). So, true.

Fear–We can feed it. We can ig­nore it. Or we can work through it and get to the bot­tom of it, con­nect to what is im­por­tant in a sit­u­a­tion for us, let it go and ul­ti­mately grow. What is the warn­ing light point­ing to? What ad­just­ments do I need to make–in my think­ing, my be­hav­iour or life? What is the fear point­ing too within me when I re­flect?

If you feed your fear, that is what will dom­i­nate. If you dis­tract from it, it will re­main and will con­tinue to grow. If you look at it, name it and try it get to the bot­tom of it and work through it, then you have the chance of tem­per­ing it.

Some great books that may help when look­ing at fear are: ‘Feel the Fear but do it any­way’ by Su­san Jef­fers, ‘ The Four Agree­ments’ by Don Miguel Ruiz or ‘ The Jour­ney’ by Den­nis Cur­ran. They have all helped and in­spired me ad­dress my fears.

It is an on­go­ing process. Some weeks, life brings up more of it and oth­ers less. It de­pends how we are feel­ing in­side and what is go­ing on out­side. I have tried han­dling it all ways. By ig­nor­ing, by ob­sess­ing and by work­ing through it. While it takes a lit­tle more courage ini­tially, ul­ti­mately the quick­est and only fruit­ful path is the last one.

The most im­por­tant thing to re­mem­ber in life is that you al­ways have a choice. What choice are you tak­ing in deal­ing with your fears?

Fear is part of life and part of liv­ing. When we avoid it, we are avoid­ing life and liv­ing.

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