WHO IS BILL HILL?
We chat to the mystery figure taking Wicklow GAA by storm
WHO is Bill Hill? We mean this in the metaphorical sense.
Bill is to Wicklow what the Healy Raes are to Kerry, unashamedly Wicklow biased, without the politics. If you can’t support your own who can you support? It also makes all the clubs and places in Wicklow fair game for a bit of banter, meant in good spirits of course. Bill basically says what we are all thinking but perhaps don’t say ourselves.
Why is Bill Hill, i.e. reason for his creation, aim and inspiration?
Bill is all about a bit of a laugh and if someone tries their hand at a bit of GAA after seeing one of Bill’s posts then that’s a success. We have a big population and finding a way of tapping into it is key.
It also broadens the horizons for Bill’s Breeding Programme so there will be an increased demand on Bill’s best swimmers
If Bill Hill was to identify with any particular area of County Wicklow, what area would that be and why?
Sally’s Gap. Sure, haven’t we all been stuck up in Sally’s Gap at some stage. None-So-Hardy down near ‘Carnu’ (Carnew) would be a close second as you have to learn to handle yourself with so many unhappy Shillelagh men after you, because the Shillelagh women love sending Bill all their nudes.
You have struck a chord with a large audience of online Wicklow GAA supporters. Why do think that is?
Wicklow people are supreme beings, some say carved from the inner core of a unicorn’s orgasm! Bill has been known to give away bags of unicorn farts in the past so maybe that’s why. Also, I do a lot for keeping out the Wexican refugees looking for a better life in Wicklow so they probably appreciate that.
Early in your existence you unleashed a multitude of comical stabs at various clubs in the county. Have you a favourite of those? What one was the most popular?
Every club got it as Bill is nothing if not fair. Bill has only one favourite and we all know who that is! It would be unfair to say which one was the most popular because places like Amish Barndarrig, Kilbride, Lacken, etc. have shunned fancy things like electricity and not embraced any sort of technology so they wouldn’t have had a chance to like their favourites!
Describe your playing background in terms of career, position, playing style? (See below)
Have you any administrative experience? Describe if you do. Any amusing yarns from the board room?
Not a bit. The closest Bill came to admin work was a drunk Bill writing a love letter on the back of a beer mat to a cracker he met in Clouseau’s (Ashford) one Saturday night - and later married....
The ‘Make Ashford Great Again’ campaign could be said to be a ruse to throw wannabe identify detectives off your scent. Discuss.
There’s a huge part of Bill’s heart that bleeds black and amber and Bill’s heart nearly burst with happiness after they won the Junior ‘C’ last year. #MakeAshfordGreatAgain
Your love for Coolkenno legend Don Jackman regularly warms the cockles of the hearts of your online fans. What is it about the towering Jackman that has captured your adoration?
Don is the King! I’ve seen women fall pregnant just watching Don score. For those of you lucky enough to have seen Don in full flight, you will know only too well how Don’s boot makes sweet, sweet love to the ball. It should be Don answering these questions, he’s the real box office attraction in Wicklow. Make it happen!
Staying with the Don, have you a favourite Don Jackman moment/s from his footballing career/social life?
Grabbing a young fella by the ass thinking it was a girl. Has to be up there with the best!
List your top five county hurlers, footballers and ladies footballers in Wicklow over the years with a brief description of each one.
There’s so many over the years that you couldn’t pick a top five’ without missing out someone so we will stick to more recent times:
Top five county footballers:
1 - Don Jackman (Magnificent) 2 - Don Jackman (Magnificent) 3 - Don Jackman (Magnificent) 4 - Don Jackman (Magnificent)
Tied 5th -
•Don Jackman (Magnificent)
•Willie O’Hagan (King of the 13-yard free merchants and may not have been a county baller but he should have been).
•Leighton Glynn (One of the finest players to play the game and he should stick on the boots and leave the selecting for another year).
•Kevin O Brien (Our only All Star, need we say anymore).
•Damien Power (Stickier than poo in a blanket), Red Pat (Tougher than the women up in Donard).
Top five county hurlers:
1 - Andy O Brien (Has it all). 2 - Don Hyland (Must be 56, and still flying).
3 - Ray Nolan (As natural a hurler as you’ll find).
4 - Bosco O Neill (Also about 56, and still flying and he completely matches Bill for swimmer quality). 5 - Stephen ‘Chester’ Kelly (There’s softer armoured tanks out there).
Top five ladies footballers:
1 - Lucy Mulhall (So good the Irish Rugby team stole her). 2 - Jackie Kinch (Scored twice the total of the whole of the Antrim team with spare change recently). 3 - Sarah Delahunt (She doesn’t eat pizza). 4 - Caoilfhionn Deeney (We miss you).
5 - Kim Connors (She’s a keeper and proud owner of one of the greatest saves ever recorded).
List your top five hurlers and footballers to never play county at senior level.
These gents might have played at some stage but here’s Bills picks:
Football - Brendan Lawrence (Wicklow People and Knockananna); Gavin Barton (Enniskerry); Dan Kavanagh (Kilcoole); The Pieman (John Sayer) (Rathnew); John Harper (Avoca); Willie O’Hagan (Éire Óg).
Hurling - Jason Redmond (Arklow Rocks); Peter Byrne (Kiltegan); Johnny Carton (St Pats); Don Jackman (Shillelagh); John Keenan (Aughrim).
Your dream county football and hurling teams from the current club crop?
What’s there is there and fair play to them. These lads and ladies give up their time to represent us week in week out so anybody willing to do that has Bill’s backing on any dream team.
Beneath your comical posts there lies an undeniably passionate GAA supporter. What are your most memorable moments in terms of Wicklow GAA over the years?
Beating Down in Aughrim in the qualifiers. Did nearly as much damage to the female population of Wicklow Town that night than our forwards did to Down’s defence. Was Icing it for weeks after.
If aliens landed in Aughrim and summoned you to their amazingly technologically ad- vanced craft and demanded an explanation of Wicklow GAA, how would you answer them?
Tell them and their demands to head south for the slums of Wexico and make their demands to the non-intelligent life forms down there first before disturbing important intelligent people like us with their demands without a prior invitation.
If the County Board approached you for a mission statement concerning improving the county across all levels and grades, what would your reply be?
Start with approaching the National Schools to allocate time for our national sports and structure things to flow seamlessly from there through to third level. Embrace change and don’t rely on other counties for inspiration, find your own!
Sheep will always follow - as many a Roundwood man could tell you.
Plans for the future of Bill Hill online?
More of the same if time permits us!
If you could play for any club in the county, what one would it be and why?
Tomacork, they had to pull out. Bill Hill never pulls out.
Favourite GAA ground in Wicklow? And why?
Rooster Park, Avoca. Only the bravest cocks can handle that place.
Least favourite ground in Wicklow? And why?
Lacken. Football’s hardest away days voted it the worst place to travel for a game and who is Bill to disagree with that!
Why, in your opinion, has Wicklow GAA achieved so little at county level?
Most likely because Bill only reached sexual maturity in the mid eighties.
If you’ve no history of winning you need to go the extra mile to encourage the game. Copying the successful counties’ every move with adult players won’t cut it.
National Schools need to be the starting place to promote the game and a structure that continues right to Senior with no gaps where players can fall away.
If you could pick one Wicklow footballer and hurler and send them to play another sport with genuine hopes of success, who would they be and what sport would you choose for them?
Excluding Don it would be Damien Power heading to the World Poker Tour. He has more aces in his pocket than a card trick magician, and Ronan Keddy to the World Surfing Open. He’s probably rubbish at surfing, but he has form with winning the hearts of the ladies once he dons the red budgie smuggler.
What was the best match Bill Hill ever watched live?
A real fiery encounter in a Junior ‘C’ game (see photo) Heath Burns was on fire at corner-forward.
Best score you ever seen?
Tony Hannon’s winning point in Aughrim. There were a few Down ladies sitting in front of Bill and even they jumped up to celebrate it.
Will Wicklow ever win a Leinster title or Christy Ring in Bill Hill’s lifetime?
Yes. We have the ingredients, we just need to work on the recipe.
The ladies will win Division 4 of the NFL this year, too #FACT
Does Bill Hill have a middle and Confirmation name?
BILL I AM HILL
Who would be the most frightening Wicklow GAA individual for Bill Hill to find under his bed at night?
Bill Hill
If you were given permission to use the seed of the finest Wicklow GAA Gaels to create the ultimate Wicklow GAA star, who would you select to be donors?
From the current era the seed donors would have to be Don Jackman, Billy Merrigan, Leighton Glynn, Bosco O’Neill, Ciaran Hyland.
The egg donors would be Lucy Mulhall, Vivienne O’Neill, Patrice Evans, Frances O’Connor and Sheila Driver.
What or who does Bill Hill dream of at night?
Bill dreams of seeing the pubs, hotels and businesses of Wicklow all flying a Wicklow flag outside their premises. Your business relies on the support of the people of Wicklow and Bill believes in shopping local so it would be nice to show you are giving back your support to those people who represent the county in all sorts of sports and endeavours and it’s also nice to have a bit of county pride.
Bill also dreams of the ladies of Clouseau’s and one day seeing people at matches in the county grounds in Aughrim wearing ‘I Am Bill Hill’ tee-shirts.
If an actor was to play Bill Hill in a movie about your life, who do you think would do the best job?
If the swimmers of Bill Murray, Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis and John Cleese with a sprinkling of Dermot Morgan could be mixed to make an actor then that’s who would do a better job of being Bill than Bill himself.